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Thursday, 10 February 2011

image for Up The Buses! - Part 13B. Local and District Bus Traction Corp Brothel Tour coming soon!!

You have been away, what's your problem, where have you been?

Continued from Up The Buses! - Part 13A

Up The Buses! - Part 13A."

ACT 2, Scene 6

Camera 4 pans close up to Blakeys face, beads of sweat can be seen on his reddened face. Blakeys eyes are on stalks, frothing foaming from his mouth and gasping for air all at the same time.

BLAKEY:

    "I have never seen anything like that! The world has gone mad Butler! The Union can't do that Flash Man"


Around Blakey the crowd is laughing, Blakey is vaguely aware that something is terribly wrong, with his response, as everybody is laughing at him! There is gnashing of his teeth

BLAKEY:

    "Butler and Flash Man, what the %£**&~#@ do you think you are up to?"


Blakeys brain is slowly fathoming out that something is terribly wrong with his response, everybody is laughing at him! Think, Blakey is saying to himself. Think, what is going wrong?

(JACK IS NOW MAKING INDIAN SMOKING RINGS IN THE AIR FROM HIS CIGARETTE AND STRIKES MORE POSES ON HIS LEFT SIDE, THEN ON HIS RIGHT SIDE.)

Blakey has got it, the date is the 1st April, it's a prank. The Boss of Local and District Bus Traction Corp, warned him in writing not to get so worked up. Blakey remembers that he has been ordered to ensure that team morale was not jeopardized, by clamping down in his usual draconian way. Think how is he going to get out of this set up?


ACT 2, Scene 7

Camera 7 pans from the group to Jack and Stan

(JACK IS STILL SMOKING A CIGARETTE AND STRIKING POSES ON HIS LEFT SIDE, THEN ON HIS RIGHT SIDE.)

(CUE HYSTERICAL CANNED LAUGHTER.)

JACK:

    "So as you can see as your Union Representative, Deputy Stan and myself have arranged a team building trip for all you Bus Workers to go on with Local and District Bus Traction Corp to a Brothel."


Big Busty Clippie:

    "Yes that will be exciting and fun for the men, but what about us women?"


STAN:

    "What are you expecting, a Unisex Brothel?"


Now Blakey has recovered his composure.

BLAKEY:

    "Butler and Flash Man, I have not been officially instructed of this trip to a Brothel and you need to fill in the necessary application forms. Until they are completed and you have overcome the problem of sexism as identified by Butler for it being for men only, this trip will have to be curtailed. You will need to visit a Unisex Brothel."


JACK:

    "As the Branch Union Representative, I wish to inform you that we will be visiting a Unisex Brothel and here are the application forms already filed with Local and District Bus Traction Corp. It is all in order."


Jack turns to the Notice Board and points to the Poster.

(CUE HYSTERICAL CANNED LAUGHTER.)


ACT 3, Scene 1

Camera 8 pans to Blakeys face and then swivels to his side, so that all the group can be seen in the same shot.

BLAKEY:

    "Then I will purchasing a couple of tickets for the first ever, Local and District Bus Traction Brothel Tour!"


Around Blakey the crowd is not laughing any more. Instead they are gasping incredulously.

BLAKEY:

    "If the rest of you are so prude you can't let your hair down in a Brothel, then you don't know what the swinging Seventies is all about!"


(JACK IS STARING IN DISBELIEF AS BLAKEY TURNS AND GOES BACK TO HIS OFFICE.)

(CUE HYSTERICAL CANNED LAUGHTER.)

Commercial Break;
 Apollo Daz Advert still trying to wash Stan's clothes in a Bath Tub.
 Jack buying condoms at the Barbers, practising safe sex.
 Stan in a Bernie Inn, buying Cigars
 Olive using Cooking Oil instead of lard.
 Jack buying petrol at Ultramar.


STAY HERE, DON'T GO AWAY, WE WILL BE STRAIGHT BACK.

Up The Buses! - Part 13C to follow soon!!

Up The Buses! - Part 13C."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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