Written by SpoofyDoofy
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Sunday, 6 February 2011

image for Up The Buses! - Part 13A. Local and District Bus Traction Corp 1970s model.

ACT 2, Scene 3

Camera 1 pans around Blakey's office.

Interior - Blakey's office. Inspector Blake is sitting at prototype Sinclair Computer reading a few notes and there was a forlorne look on his face. Blakeys expression is one of concern, as may he might, the date is the 1st April. He knows from last years pranks, the Boss of Local and District Bus Traction Corp, warned him in writing not to get so worked up, as boys will be boys. Blakey was ordered to ensure that team morale was not jeopardized, by clamping down in his usual draconian way. Blakey was identified as the main reason that a double-decker bus was involved in the recent 'swimming pool incident'.

He is talking to himself;

BLAKEY:

    "I must not get worked up. I hate Butler, but I must not get worked up! I must be jovial and kind at all times today to take the venom out of that Union trouble maker and his side kick Butler"


Struggling to his feet, Blakey walks out of his Office to do a tour of the Depot. There, by the notice board stands Union Jack Flash and Stan Butler, both talking to a crowd of amazed onlookers. As usual Union Jack Flash has a fag on the go and is posing.


ACT 2, Scene 4

Camera 2 pans to the group

(JACK IS SMOKING A CIGARETTE AND STRIKING POSES ON HIS LEFT SIDE, THEN ON HIS RIGHT SIDE.)

(CUE HYSTERICAL CANNED LAUGHTER.)

JACK:

    "So as your Union Representative, Deputy Stan and myself have arranged a team building trip for all you Bus Workers to go on with Local and District Bus Traction Corp"


Big Busty Clippie:

    "I hope that it is exciting and fun for every one!"


STAN:

    "Of course it is love!"


Now Blakey can be seen at the back of the group, but as everybody is so engrossed in watching Union Jack Flash posing and smoking, he goes un-noticed. Blakey stands there with his gormless look intent on trying to fathom out why so many idiots view Union Jack Flash as an intellectual.

JACK:

    "As your Union Representative, you know I won't let you down and so I have in my hands a poster that will make your heart skip a beat, when Local and District Bus Traction Corp make its first trip to…"


Jack turns to the Notice Board and pins up a Poster, which is still half folded. Then like a Magician he lets the bottom half of the paper unfold, in slow motion. Everybody's jaws down incredulously…

ACT 2, Scene 5

Camera 3 pans to Blakeys face and then swivels to his side, so that all the group can be seen in the same shot.

There at the back of the group stands Blakey, his eyes are on stalks, his brain is numb, he begins frothing at the mouth and gasping for air all at the same time.

BLAKEY:

    "I have never seen anything like that! The world has gone mad Butler! The Union can't do that Flash Man"


Around Blakey the crowd is laughing, Blakey is vaguely aware that something is terribly wrong, with his response, as everybody is laughing at him! There is gnashing of his teeth

BLAKEY:

    "Butler and Flash Man, what the %£**&~#@ do you think you are up to?"


(JACK IS NOW MAKING INDIAN SMOKING RINGS IN THE AIR FROM HIS CIGARETTE AND STRIKES MORE POSES ON HIS LEFT SIDE, THEN ON HIS RIGHT SIDE.)

(CUE HYSTERICAL CANNED LAUGHTER.)

Commercial Break;
 With Daz Advert washing Stan's clothes in a Bath Tub.
 Jack smoking cigarettes in a Pub, smoke for health.
 Stan drinking IPA in a Bernie Inn.


STAY HERE, DON'T GO AWAY, WE WILL BE STRAIGHT BACK.

Up The Buses! - Part 13B to follow soon!!

Up The Buses! - Part 13B."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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