I am currently under fire in the centre of Cairo interviewing people who are shouting at me in Arabic. It is so exciting. This is history in the making and I am here to tell you all about it. I can pass you to my best mate, Braveheart Simpson, who is now heading a protest rally - Over to you Braveheart.
Crackle, pop. Sorry Braveheart has bitten the dust. A sacrifice for freedom and well worth it. What a pain that self promoting idiot was.
Crackle pop. 'Braveheart calling are you still there?'
A swallow doesn't make a summer but it helps to control the nerves.
'So wonderful to hear you Braveheart!'
'The scene here is very confused. I am not sure which team I'm playing on, but I am in mortal danger and reporting from the front line. We are seeing history unfolding before our eyes but I can't make out who is who.'
The line went dead. I thought I had better put things in perspective.
'The Opposition to Mubarak is formidable but there is a counter demonstration and camels are taking the opportunity to make mischief with escaped convicts. They are behaving like Animals!'
At this stage we must leave the exciting match in Egypt to take you to the House of Commons where Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg is making an announcement.
'I am so excited by events in Egypt that I am going to leave my current masquerade of a job to join the forces of progress.'
Cries of Hear Hear!
Thus is history brought to our living rooms.