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Monday, 31 January 2011

Starting Fall 2011, NBC television network will be renamed NBC "2.0".

We here at Comcast recognize the obvious, in that the NBC broadcast network is one of the few weak spots in an otherwise great corporate arm that is NBCUniversal. For that reason, we plan to make some dramatic changes for the Fall 2011 TV season. Changes for the Fall 2011 season include:

We have listened to the fans and paid attention to the Nielsen ratings. Therefore, we are getting rid of all the dead wood and limiting the network to airing the shows that people actually want to watch. For that reason, NBC will not bring back "The Apprentice", "The Marriage Ref", "The Sing-Off", "Who Do You Think You Are?", "School Pride", "Undercovers", "Chase", "The Event", "The Cape", "Community", "Perfect Couples", "Parks & Recreation", "Outsourced", "Minute To Win It", "Harry's Law", and "Outlaw".

"The Office" will return, but without star Steve Carell. As a result, episodes this spring will set up a rivalry for the new manager at Dunder Muffin. The rivalry will cause the company to split into two separate corporate entities. This will allow us to cover the comedy at two separate company locations through an hour-long program renamed as "The Office 2.0".

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" and "Law & Order: Los Angeles" will return for new seasons in Fall 2011. Additionally, since our viewers like the "Law & Order" franchise, we will be un-cancelling the original "Law&Order" series and renaming it "Law&Order 2.0" (casting to be announced at a later date). Finally, NBC will air a new member of the franchise, American version remake of the successful UK series "Law & order: UK".

Since "The Biggest Loser" is the only reality show viewers watch on our network, it will be expanded to 4 hours per week. The series will be divided into two separate shows. The first show will be two hours per week as usual. The second show will bring back Jillian Michaels and will feature former cast members from prior seasons that have gained the weight back. This new version of the show will be titled "The Biggest Loser 2.0".


NBC will bring back NFL Sunday Night Football and we are praying to the sports Gods that there is no NFL lockout that cancels the 2011-2012 NFL season. However, if the lockout does occur, we plan to field our own series of teams made up of available non-NFL players and we will air a series of games under the title "Sunday Night Football 2.0".

We know that everyone loves medical dramas. In an effort to meet the needs of our viewers we have created a new series for Fall 2011 titled "ER 2.0". This new series will follow a group of doctors through their residency at a Chicago area hospital (casting to be announced at a later date).

"30 Rock" will return for the Fall season with double episodes under the new hour-long show title "30 Rock 2.0".

"Chuck" will return for another season, but the format of the show will be enhanced to pick up viewers disappointed with the cancellation of "The Cape" and "The Event". Chuck and his friends from Buy More will change jobs and start working at a circus. In their spare time, they will still fight crime but they will now do so with the additional aid of a technological superhero named The Cape. One of the ongoing villains for this new series will be a group of aliens that are stuck on Earth after chashing their spacecraft decades ago. The new version of the series will be titled: "Chuck 2.0"

Dateline will be still air 2 hours per week covering all spectrum of topics from politics to crime and from world events to American culture.

NBC Broadcast Network Fall 2011 schedule (all times listed for Eastern Time Zone):

Sunday:
7pm: Football Night In America
8pm: NFL Sunday Night Football (or Sunday Night Football 2.0 if needed).

Monday:
8pm: Chuck 2.0
9pm: Law&Order: Los Angeles
10pm: Law&order: UK

Tuesday:
8pm: The Biggest Loser
10pm: Law&Order: Special Victims Unit

Wednesday:
8pm: The Biggest Loser 2.0
10pm: Parenthood

Thursday:
8pm: 30 Rock 2.0
9pm: The Office 2.0
10pm: ER 2.0

Friday:
8pm: Dateline
10pm: Law&Order 2.0

Saturday:
8pm: encore presentation of various Law&Order franchises
9pm: encore presentation of various Law&Order franchises
10pm: encore presentation of various Law&Order franchises

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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