It had to happen. My rise to fame is mind blowing (at least I think that's what it is although this stuff I'm smoking could be giving me schizophrenia).
Now, after sorting out Cameron's problems in my brief stay as his Communications Director and giving 'The Two Heads' some timely advice I've got the BIG one - yes it's Rupert 'the Bear' Murdoch!!!
I had this strange message to meet an old Australian to talk about the History of that Great Land. Out of curiosity I went along, being a trusting sort of chap.
Lo and behold it was Murdoch lurking in the shadows of an Old Oak Tree. 'I need you' he said 'I must have your advice.'
'Not on your Nelly, Rupe. I think you are the PITS!!!'
'No. Wait. I'll pay you well.'
'Never will I betray my principles.'
'I've written down a figure. Look at it. See what you think.'
I looked. I kept my poker face as I managed to stop the exclamation WOW!!!
'No. My Aussie mate. You can't buy me for that amount a year.'
'That's for a day.'
'So. What are we waiting for.'
'What do you think of me?'
'You are a clever, unscrupulous tycoon.'
'I know that!'
'So you know lots of people hate and fear you?'
'But something troubles you.'
'I've got to persuade Jeremy Hunt I am worthy to run all the media in Britain.'
'That shouldn't be too difficult.'
'It is. He's got Cameron on his back. It's the thumbs down for me because of the hacking sexism.'
'I didn't realise you had been hacking into the Women's Institute. That's fatal Rupe.'
'I had this MP who persuaded me that women were persecuting men. I just had to find out.'
'Oh dear. There are some people I can't help. Give me the cash for thirty minutes worth of advice and I will buy half of London.'