Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today announced that they have overthrown her management team, and will be taking over all management responsibilities effective immediately.
"Well, it is clear that we, Susan's fans, are the ones who know what is best for her. It doesn't matter to us that her team are highly respected, well experienced music industry professionals, and we're just a load of internet crackpots with way too much time on our hands. We know we're the only ones who can guide Susan's career - down the crapper!" rambled a chief fanatic.
"Yes, the first thing we're going to do is get her out of those nice designer dresses and in to more short skirts! I like looking at her legs!" fawned some pervy fanatic still wearing no pants.
"We're going to put her on TV more, preferably presenting her own shows. We've already got a show ready to go. 'Bag a Toy Boy!' is a show for our elderly fanatics, whose wealthy husbands have gone to the big ATM in the sky. They have to compete against each other to bag the toy boy, using only charm and their inheritance! Whichever fanatic hasn't had a heart attack by the end of the show wins the toy boy and a free honorary membership of the fanatic's favourite meeting place!" laughed another senior fanatic.
"We can now be absolutely sure that Susan will only sing the sort of music we really want - religious mush! None of this racy stuff like 'Cry Me A River'. I nearly had a heart attack during that!" said some fanatic praying.
"We're not doing this for the money, of course!" insisted another chief fanatic while arguing on the phone over his percentage.
"We can now be certain that all concerts will be attended by fanatics only, and none of those dirty commoners who might have heard about the concert somewhere other than our fanatic's favourite meeting place! I want to look out from the stage and see nothing but red scarves!" said another fanatic.
"I think we'll make another quilt to celebrate! It's not like she's got enough quilts already!" said some deluded old dear with a red scarf.
"Bloody hell, how did this happen?!" grumbled SuBo. "I just nipped down to the shops for a pint of milk and get back to find my new 'management team' on the doorstep singing my songs out-of-tune! And one of them was wearing no pants. I didn't know where to look!" she continued.
"I didn't have a chance! They threatened to bless me and tried to sprinkle me with holy water. I had no choice but to quit!" sobbed the previous manager.