Written by ronin47empire
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Wednesday, 26 January 2011

image for Discarded Draft of Indian President's Republic Day Speech Leaked on Wikileaks Her Excellency, the President of India is reportedly plagued by bad speech writers

The first draft of the Republic Day address allegedly sent to her Excellency has reportedly been posted on wikileaks. The alleged text is below. Mindry.in cannot attest to the authenticity of this document only to its hilarity. The final draft bears little resemblance to the first draft below.

Dear Citizens,

I ask of you these questions as the inheritors of the legacy of all those who lived and died in the lands East of the Indus, and will share my opinions as first citizen.

Before I get on with it I'd like to warn you, the armed forces, and the internal security forces to stand guard against the goddamned greeting card companies from starting "Republic Day-Eve". We're still eating shit over Friendship Day.

Education is the most important thing as we strive to replace our illiterate mobs shouting jingoistic slogans with literate mobs quoting great texts as they loot and burn in the name of esoteric philosophies in the future. A literate mob promoting Dadaism replacing the dadagiri of an illiterate mob is the ultimate dream of many in this country. This will never happen if we don't crack down on ragging… We are unlikely to crack down on ragging. If it goes away, it just means the colleges do something on their own.

As we strive towards development many ask: "Are we becoming too materialistic, short-sighted and unconcerned about the impact of our actions on our brethren, society or the environment?"

I say unto you: No. Jairam Ramesh will continue to block every attempt at development internally and simultaneously lament at international fora that we lag behind the Chinese.

Financial institutions, the corporate world and civil society - all must uphold high standards of probity in their working.

Next time I open a bank in my name…well moving on.

Corruption needs to end. Corruption is bad. Let's stop corruption.

Now about that bank opened in my name I'd just like to say one thing….oh, wait we're running out of time.

The Green Revolution which made our nation self-sufficient in food grains has run its course. The corporate sector should take up responsibility to make agriculture productivity remunerative.

Since the Government is sucking money a** at keeping the stuff we grow clean, away from rats, and the rains because the food godowns are inadequate and all .

And finally, I'd like to congratulate you all for choosing to watch Modern Family on Star World instead of Simpsons, which jumped the shark 10 years ago or Lie to Me, I've captured the spirit of that show in this speech anyway.

I end my speech with a final warning to be vigilant against fake holidays like Republic Day eve, Brother-in-Law Day and Saturday.

Jai hind.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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