Written by j.w.
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Wednesday, 26 January 2011

I never thought David Cameron would take my advice and stop being a public school bully but he has! I've put in my resignation as his Director of Communications with immediate effect and I'm considering an offer from the two Ed's to help them out.

With Labour ahead of the Tories now and bound to go further ahead during the year it might be useful to gauge the Opposition so I have drawn up this short document for the Ed's.

Being both called Ed is a drawback. It also means editor.It sounds like Head - as in two Heads are better than one. This is the clue to your future - two Ed's are better than one. You work in harmony, not quite the timid and the tough but the philosophical and the practical.

I happen to know after a few days that Cameron is no philosopher and George Osborne has caused a lot of sickness by just showing his face.

So you are a team with diverse talents. You are not such obvious privileged twats who are totally out of touch. You have some idea of what it feels like to lose your job or be unemployed or not to have enough to feed the kids properly etc etc.

A major rule is that you mustn't look back - it's a bit murky back there - look forward - its even murkier! A statement that might begin to ring true is 'The Economy isn't safe with the Tories.'

It wasn't safe with you either but you are looking forward remember. Another slogan 'How soon can we get rid of Eton's Ball Games?

That also deals with the tedious 'jokes' at the expense of the Shadow Chancellor.

So forward, not backward.

My bill is in the post.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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