Our intrepid Weeki Leeks undercover reporter has revealed startling evidence that the Archbishop of Canterbury is in fact a pagan priest. Disguised as a morbidly obese female cleaner he waddled into the palace flicking his feather duster about then placed a bug in the most holy of holies, the Archbishops private sitting room.
We were forced to undertake such drastic measures because our patented phone hacking system broke down.
Twelve of the Archbishops most trusted underlings meet in the securely locked sitting room every full moon to carry out pagan rituals, then off to a session of naked moon bathing on the roof, cloud cover permitting. Just imagine thirteen flabby and fat old men poncing around in the moonlight with their dangly bits on show, wow not a sight to be savoured.
The emaciated patriarch has since found and destroyed the bug. However the hazy sattelite pictures of thirteen ghostly figures on the roof of the palace obtained from NASA seem to add some credence to our findings.
We certainly don't condemn him because Paganism was the natural religion of the people before the imposition of the current crop of religions by a money grabbing power hungry clergy.
Be your own god and be at peace within youreslf.