Written by Auntie Matter
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Tuesday, 25 January 2011

image for Survey on Hefner's Marriage Menu Cover for Hefner's marriage banquet. Guests received free copy of Playboy.

A survey has been conducted by prestigious periodical The Vagina Observer into Hugh Hefner's marriage to the delectable centerfold Crystal Harris.

Women from all social strata were asked whether or not they approved of the match. Over 98% percent of girls still at school or college said they would be "embarrassed or ashamed" if Hefner was their grandfather and that Harris was a "slut" and a "gold digger" and that Hefner was "an old dog that had more wrinkles in him than the mummy of Rameses11". More than a few made the remark "if Crystal was my sister I would kill myself!".

In the twenty to thirty unmarried group nearly all stated that Crystal "could have done much better", and that she was a "really beautiful and intelligent girl with a lot going for her". And that "she is young and should have shopped around a bit more".

In the over forties married and unmarried group the general response was that "in a man's world a girl must take whatever opportunity comes her way". Many said "Hugh could open doors for her". That "there was no reason why it couldn't prosper ... if they both worked at it". And that age was "just a number".

In the over fifties group the response was odd indeed. A very small percentage even bothered to mention Ms. Harris, the vast majority reporting "good for Hef. Way to go, you lucky old thing!".

In the over seventies group the clear majority responded: "If I had to do it all over again I would keep well away from the bastards, especially dirty old foxes like Hugh Hefner. Men are only good for breeding, killing each other and mowing the lawn."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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