Written by PP Rega

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Tags: Execution

Sunday, 23 January 2011

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CNN is reporting that an Illinois manufacturer's decision to stop making the aesthetic sodium thiopental. This news is critical because this loss will delay some criminal executions that rely on lethal injections. It will force states to think outside the box and adopt other lethal techniques.

Naturally, I have my ideas which are not only expeditious but cost-effective:

* One hour viewing of the Oprah Winfrey Network

* Force-feeding sardine-and-cream gelato

* Baby-sitting Angelina Jolie's kids

* Sitting through a Vin Diesel retrospective

* Inhaling Nick Nolte's breath

* Guillotine with a dull blade

* Attending a vuvuzela concert

* Chained in the locker room of an all-girls' roller derby team

* Jogging through Death Valley in a parka

* Submerged in a tsunami of Nancy Pelosi's abdominal cellulite

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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