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Tags: Tattoos

Tuesday, 18 January 2011

image for Tattoos to be outlawed in Central LA

Tattoos have been as much a part of the culture in South Central LA as have been red and blue handkerchiefs, fried chicken stands and watermelon rhinds. Now the local City Council has decided to ban the open and notorious display of tattoos in public. Their reasoning is that it incites violence against those of us that do not "represent" with skin art.

Needless to say the community is in an outrage about the new restrictions against their First Amendment right to display their own individual freak flag. WikiSquirts caught up with City Manager Antoine Jefferson Washington to discuss the new ruling.

WikiSquirts (WS): Why do you think such a harsh ruling was necessary when you could have limited the display of tats to certain parts of the body or times of day or dark skin as opposed to light/white skin, etc.

AJW: Well the ways we sees it is if we's give peoples the ability to limited the restrictions then folks, especially the brothers and sisters, will find ways to push the line and still worry po white folk. So we thought to hell wid it and toss da baby out wit the bath water.

WS: So what about the red and blue handkerchiefs that the 'bloods' and the 'crips' wear? Aren't those just as intimidating?

AJW: Naww. Those boys ain't up to nothin'. Besides someone has to police the community. And it's un-American to tell folks what they can or cannot accessorize.

So we tried to talk with someone in "the hood" about the ruling and if they even knew about it. After many attempts to get someone to talk with us without running away from us down the block or just giving us a menacing glare we finally found a well dressed gentleman standing on the corner of Watts and MLK Way willing to speak with us. He didn't want his real name given so we will call him Pimp Daddy Cane for purposes of this article.

WS: So Mr. Daddy Cane did you hear that the Compton City Council just outlawed anybody exposing tattoos in public here in Compton?

PDC: Nigger say WHAT?!

WS: That's right no more tattoos to be shown in the city limits of Compton.

PDC: You be tripping. I mean look at that NASTY shit on yo face cornbread. You ain't hiding that, that, that - whad you call that anyways?

Mr. Daddy Cane was referring to my port wine stain on my face. Obviously he's not a fan of Legend Freeway because if he were he would know that this is a birthmark - NOT - a tattoo.

WS: Well that is my PWS (Daddy Cane looks at me puzzled and bewildered) it's a birthmark.

PDC: No shitt? DAMN! Sorry brother, but that's fucked up.

WS: So what do you think about the ruling.
PDC: BULLSHIT! Is what I thinks about it. If they's think my ladies aint gonna flaunt their 'tramp stamps' or their 'leg irons' or 'sleeves' or 'scarves' or 'face tat on their va jay jay" or they's 'bumpity, bumpity's" they be TRIPPIN'. They alls just "pussy balls" is all.

Well there you have it. It would appear that Mr. Jefferson Washington was right "the brothers and sisters, will find ways to push the line and still worry po white folk."

We at WikiSquirts wanted to find out what Mr. Daddy Cane was saying when he was describing the tattoos his friends display so below we have given a little dictionary on the terms PDC used:

Nigger: General term used to announce friend or foe but can only be used by people of African American descent.

Tripping or trippin': You're crazy.

Cornbread: White person or black person who acts like a white person.

Brother: Male friend or a person that is actually your sibling.

Tramp Stamp: A tattoo on the tailbone area that is used as a target to hit when the man ejaculates. Usually angels or butterflies or sunburst - real special. Usually only sported by women but some men have them too - weird.

Leg Irons: Wrist or ankle tattoo designed of chain links. Mainly black people in order to make a point about their heritage as slaves.

Sleeves: Full arm or half arm tattoos that look like the person with the tat is wearing an undershirt or shirt.

Scarves: Full neck tattoo from top of collar bone to chin. Really hideous and scary.

Face tat on their va jay jay: A tattoo, usually of the devil, that surrounds the female (or male) reproductive organs.Super freaky

Bumpity, bumpity's: An actual brand on the skin that looks like a tattoo that stands up or welts on the skin. Primarily adorn by people of African American descent in order to make a point about their heritage as slaves. White people who attempt to do this usually die of staff infection.

Pussy ball: People who go to a tattoo parlor in order to get inked and end up whining about it and crying about it as the tattoo artist works on them.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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