Written by Inchcock
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Monday, 17 January 2011

image for VAT Survey Carried Out in Nottingham Read P. Onnumall's Comments

A survey carried out in Nottingham, to ascertain the views and queries about VAT (Value Added Tax) and it's increase to 20%, was carried out this week by the Spoofs Gazette.

Here are some of the more printable responses:

Grizelda Ondrugs (short skirted lady on the corner of the street):
"Oh yea... it a shame innit?"

Donald Cluck (Security Guard at Tesco, Hucknall):
"Ther're all %ankers, toss-pots, git's, greedy buggers, snobs, dick-heads, pigs, pedophiles, arse-holes...."
(At this point out reporter moved on leaving the guard still talking...)

Amelia Humpnot Lady shopping in the jewelery store:
"If only the proletariat would realise the mess the Labour party left us in, they would understand the imperativeness of such increases, we are all suffering. I for one am glad for my husband to pay more to save the banks, and treasury from calamity!"

Bet Daley (Lady in betting shop)
"It amazes me, they put Vat on women's accoutrements, washing powder, but not on nappies... mind you don't tell them whatever you do!"

P. Onnumall (Gent in the Sex shop)
"The Tories have managed to persuade their Lib Dem flunkeys to abandon yet another election pledge, this time not to put up VAT. Tory-in-disguise Nick Clegg was clear during the election that this policy would hurt the poorest hardest. But, like tuition fees, he has done it anyway, it is time we started refusing to take these lies without retaliation - if people want to text me at 07444150113 and we'll see about organising a counter-movement! Death to the nepotists!"

Trevor Baverstock: (Soldier and Wicker Bottom chair repairer)
The VAT rate increase of 2.5% represents an increase of 2.13% on what is handed over at the point of sale, to cost a household between £400 and £600 extra annually would require the annual purchase of items previously costing between £18,779 and £28,169 including VAT. In support of his point, this seems a hell of a lot - mind you I've also noticed a much higher than 2.5% increase in Coalition smugness this year!

P. Istoff: (Chap resting in the Garden of Peace)
"Chancellor George Osborne says Vat increase to a massive 20% is a permanent, well that's the first comment from the mouth of any member of the coalition I actually believe!"

On his way out of the City, our reporter saw:
Donald Cluck (Security Guard at Tesco, Hucknall): Who was still ranting..."..stards, crooks, cheats, spoon-in-the-mouths, bollo...."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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