Written by Nick Hobbs
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 17 January 2011

image for An Interview With T.V Medium Eric Pakora Eric Pakora, small, medium or large?

We walk into the Nuneaton Golf and Country Club with a sense of apprehension.

We are here to meet Eric Pakora, TV medium and top chef of Indian cuisine at local takeaway, Mohan's.

Pakora rose to fame on Living TV's Most Flaunted, a documentary style ghost hunting extravaganza, hosted by Nannette Meadowing, previously seen on children's entertainment programme Blue Peter.

Most Flaunted gained notoriety for it's obvious faking of paranormal activity, Pakora was at the centre when the programme was pulled off air.

We decided to speak to the man, the myth, the leg end, to find out his side of the story. The interview that follows is a direct transcript, with only a few details changed to make it more interesting.

Medium Sized Magazine: Hi Eric, how are you?

Eric Pakora: I'm good thanks, although there is obvious activity in this room.

MSM: In what way?

EP: Well, there is a strong sense of spirits in this area.

MSM: That will be your vodka, Eric.

EP: See, I told you!

MSM: OK. So your time on Most Flaunted was somewhat controversial, do you accept critics observations that some of the content was a little, faked?

EP: I didn't fake a thing. Every possession, every entity that I contacted and was contacted by, was real. And that is a fact!

MSM: But you were seen in footage taken before a ouija board session, propping up a broom and attaching string to it, which you later pulled, making the broom fall and hit your parapsychologist Koonan O'Reefe square on the head! This footage was released on You Tube!

EP: It was faked. The footage was a set up by Antics production staff. I wasn't even there when it happened.

MSM: So you're saying that any cries of 'fake' are not to be laid at your feet?

EP: Definitely not! All post production activities were handled with Hitleresque precision by Nannette and her husband.

MSM: Carl Feetie?

EP: Yes, that liar!

MSM: Can you tell us your most vivid encounter with a spirit whilst on the show?

EP: We were at a disused asylum in Nantwich, and we were in a room about five by five meters. There was me, Nannette, Carl and Stewart (Torville, camera man, fall guy and cousin of Nannette). I started feeling the presence of an elderly spirit entering the room, and just as I began telling the team what I was feeling, we all heard a low grumbling sound emanating from the centre of the room.
We all stood still, you could have heard a pin drop, and then a few moments passed and this stench of something unholy hit our nostrils.

MSM: What was it?

EP: Well after we vacated the room, at some speed I can tell you, I went back in to find that Stewart's obvious terror had taken on a physical manifestation on the floor.

MSM: He'd shit himself?

EP: Yes.

MSM: Amazing.

EP: It was!

MSM: What then?

EP: Well on playback of the footage, we noticed a strange aura circling Stewart's massive domed head. We can only assume it was ghosts. It's the most obvious explanation. Obviously.

MSM: I see! When reports hit the news that claimed you were a fake, how did it feel? Were you upset?

EP: No. My spirit guides got me through. Vodka, and Bombay Sapphire gin mainly.

MSM: And do you feel you were unjustly treated by the show's producers?

EP: Well, I wouldn't piss on that pair of back-stabbers if they were on fire, all I'd say is look where they are today! And now look where I am!

MSM: As in they went on to make another eight series of Most Flaunted and many live shows too, netting in excess of twelve million pounds, merchandise and DVD sales not included, and have gone on to produce various other successful programmes for different channels. And you're living back home with your mum and working in a takeaway frying poppadams?

EP: Well, when you put it like that it sounds bad, but don't forget I opened a village fete last year! And I've been invited to an awards ceremony this year!

MSM: Interesting. Which one? Golden Globes? Emmy's? Oscars? National TV Awards? What?

EP: The Scugdale Climbers Annual Rope Awards.

MSM: Fascinating! Do you climb?

EP: No.

MSM: Oh.

EP: I don't even have stairs. I live in a bungalow with my cats. Not my mum.

MSM: Are there any plans for a comeback? I mean, surely your powers are always there, they don't disappear just because work has dried up, do they?

EP: I don't see it as dried up, just in stasis. I'll work when I'm ready...

MSM: And when someone will employ you again.

EP: ...not at all, I can work whenever I want to! And that Nannette and Carl better watch out, because I can set spirits on them just like that! All I've got to do is ask, and I can unleash all sorts of demonic possession on them, that'll teach them not to mess with me!

(a low grumbling sound begins reverberating throughout the golf club foyer)

MSM: Eric? What's that noise? Eric?

EP (in a deep throated drawl): GET OUT OF HERE!

MSM: What?

EP: GET OUT! LEAVE THIS PLACE!

MSM: Eric, you're embarrassing me, people are looking!

EP: I'M A BAD MAN! A VERY BAD MAN! A REALLY NASTY, BAD, BAD, BAD MAN! DESPICABLE, BAD MAN! GET...urghh...NO....OUT!!!!!

We made a hasty retreat and left, as Eric marched around the foyer bellowing at people who came across his path, his head lowered, chin on his chest.

We're not sure if he was possessed, or just mental, but it was quite surreal.

My instincts tell me that while Eric is now a laughing stock, he is a true entertainer. And he has been hard done by. The machine of televisual gratification has churned him up and spat him out. He is no more to blame for the farce of Most Flaunted than the other vapid, vacuous simpletons that appear on the show, but they have managed to exit stage left with their minimal dignity intact, leaving Eric to flounder in his own sea of depression and alcoholism.

After all, meeting him for the brief time I did made it clear to see, the only spirits swirling around his mind were grain based and distilled.

Good luck Eric, you poor mistreated fool.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

51 readers are online right now!

Go to top