'You can av an interview' Ram Grant, West Ham Manager (as we write) replied 'you are a West Ham fan through and through. You know what it is to suffer.'
'Avram' I began 'you have a record that speaks for itself. Your Cup record is tremendous.'
'Thank you. However my record in the league is not so good. Bottom with Pompey, bottom with West Ham. I have not had many goals to cheer about.'
'To be honest, Avram I have not seen you cheer even on the rare occasions when the Hammers score.'
'I like to relish internal pleasure. It is better that way for me.'
'Granted; we all have our different ways of celebrating. But do you think being just a bit demonstrative would help to persuade the fans you care?'
'I'm a serious man. I am not going to put on an act to give a false impression.'
'Some people say West Ham can't survive in the Premier League with you as Manager.'
'Everyone is entitled to their opinions. We have let in eight goals and scored none in our last two league games. We have the fewest goals scored of any team in the division, the team looks dejected. It's body language speaks of defeat. Surely it can't get worse? When you are at the bottom the only way is up!'
'Sorry to disillusion you Avram. When you are bottom of the league the only way is down.'