Written by Tawdry Soup
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Tags: Computers

Saturday, 15 January 2011

Archie: Eeeeeedaaath, how ya toin dis damn tang on?

Edith: Ohhh, Aruchie...you have to plug it in first. Look down here, see this plug?

Archie: Dangit Edith, quit messing around down der by my feets. Yer givin' me the damn creeps, der.

Edith: Oh, Aruchie, this will only take a second. There-now try turning it on. Press that blue button.

Archie: Yeahs, I can see dat its on, but now what?

Edith: You gotta let it warm up, just like the TV.

Archie: Ok, she's warmed up. Now let's look at dem emails the boys from the bar been sendin' me.

Edith: Here you go, Archie, now do just like Michael said when you get to this screen. Here is your emails. Just put the arrow here and press this button…

Archie: OK, OK Edith, I got it now, clear away from me, ya hear? You smotherin' me, der.

Edith: All right, Aruchie..I'll be in the kitchen making dinner.

Archie: Well try not to poison me again tonight. It took me four trips to the bathroom this morning to relieve myself of that goulash you cooked up last night.

Edith: Ohhhhh, Aruchie…

Just then Michael and Gloria walk through the front door.

Michael: Well, look who's decided to join the 21st century.

Gloria: Hi, Daddy!

Archie: Hi Sweetheart. Now shut up, Meathead, I'm trying to concentrate heah..It says heah in this email, sent from Stumpy Mcdoo, that the U.S. postal service is making a stamp of your President Obama, but nobody can make it stick on an envelope cuz everybody's spittin' on the wrong side.

Michael: That is the dumbest thing I ever heard. Stamps don't even require licking any more.

Archie: Here's something' else you didn't know, Mr. Smarty Pants, and this come right out of the horse's mouth: Yer President has just fired all the cattle guards in Oklahoma. Now the terrorists are gonna poison our meat..what do you think about that, Meathead?

Michael: What do I care? I don't even eat meat.

Archie: This is my house, and in my house, everybody eats meat.

Michael: Meat is murder, Archie.

Archie: This country was raised on meat and by God we are going to eat meat if it kills us!

Michael: Maybe that's why you sit on the commode for two hours every morning-from eating all that meat.

Archie: I sit on the commode for two hours every morning because it's the only place I can get away from you and YOUR STUPID IDEAS ABOUT MEAT!

Edith: Somebody want to help me set the table? Dinner's just about ready.

Michael: Sounds good. What are we having tonight, Ma?

Edith: Vegetarian chili. I got the recipe from Louise Blockner at our weekly ladies luncheon.

Gloria: Waaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhh…

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

91 readers are online right now!

Go to top