Written by shea lo
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Tags: fantasy, Sex, Sting

Thursday, 13 January 2011

image for Fellow swinger reveals real reason why Sting likes to dress up Trudie Styler during their tawdry sex sessions

Even regular sex gets boring. No way you say. S'truth. Take Sting for example. Nothing much new and happening on the creative front. So it's back to the boring old sex life of two dried out prunes.

Readers will remember a couple of years ago when Sting tried to regale everyone with his expertise on tantric sex - that mysterious Indian Kama Sutra thing that he claims to have mastered. Where he had sex for over 8 hours. After that bit of self-promoting rubbish was rubbished by the real Tantric experts who described what 'Tantric' sex really meant, dear old Gordie pulled a fast retreat.

Sting revealed that the whole thing was a drunken joke. He had been out drinking with Live Aid star Bob Geldof and in a pissing contest drunkenly boasted that he Trudie were advocates of Tantric sex and could make love for up to eight hours at a time.

He acknowledged having 'sexed up' the story to impress his fellow musician and added: 'I think I mentioned to Bob I could make love for eight hours. What I didn't say was that this included four hours of begging and then dinner and a movie!'

This time it's another all too-revealing interview with a mindless U.S. magazine wherein we are educated about the fact that as well as the Tantric kind, they also like their conjugal relations to be 'tawdry and non-pedestrian.' Yawn.

Sting sums up his assessment of their sex life as: 'I don't think pedestrian sex is very interesting.

'I like the theatre of sex. I like to look good. I like her to dress up. I like to dress her up.'

And he admitted that he wasn't romantic and added: 'Romantic? We like tawdry.'

However, your reporter has been given some eye-popping insider information by a close sexual-swinging mate of Mr. and Mrs. Sting.

Buddy Buzz a regular menage-a-trois partner of the couple says:

"Well they're both dried out old prunes and there's very little about an old, gnarled and grizzled Trudy to keep Sting's flame lit. So it's on to the supposed fantasies. He finds her au naturel a terrifying turn-off and the French maid costume and little school-girl outfit don't seem to be doing much for him.

"He can't admit that this whole sex thing is becoming a bit tiring for him at his age, or that the sight of an aging, withered Trudie really doesn't turn him on anymore. So fantasist that he is, in order to entice media attention he now claims he has started dressing her up in leathers, chains, whips etc. Anything to pecker up - if you get my drift.

"What he isn't telling you is that he has to wear a hernia belt to do the dirty; she wears an industrial-strength rubber girdle to hold in her drooping old tummy and both wear compression stockings to prevent deep vein thrombosis from lack of movement"

We are told Sting is madly lusting after Angelina Jolie but since that's just a pipe dream, the dress-ups will have to do for now with the Lara Croft Tomb Raider outfit taking top spot despite Trudie's wrinkled out bod.

Hey, a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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