Written by Tawdry Soup

Print this

Thursday, 13 January 2011

A right-wing patriot group, unfazed by left or right-wing political rhetoric and 100% sane, was found by Tawdry Soup busily training for Armageddon just beyond the Wabash County line.

The rag-tag militia consisted of two guys walking down a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. They were wearing Sputnik era fatigues and weighed down with so much crap they looked like a walking army surplus store.

"Hey guys, where's the fire?" joked Tawdry Soup, as he pulled up beside the pair of far-out firebrands.

"It's all over America, in every city and in every town. God will have vengeance on thee!" shouted a middle-aged skinhead type with a Fu Manchu moustache and swastika tattoo on his temple.

"Yeah-and the govment' gonna burn too, along with that Mahslum-ass foreigner President of your'n," said his toady, a Tim McVeigh type with bad teeth and wildly uneven ears.

"Ya'll hear about that shooting in Arizona?" asked Tawdry Soup.

"Yeah-that guy was flat-out crazy though. He wadn't like us. We some sane mother fuckers. You gots to be sane to understand how them Jews is trying to brainwash everone into getting their peckers cut off." said Fu Manchu.

"Yeah," agreed Toady. "And all those Mexicans comin' over here a-takin' our jobs. If it wadn't for the Mexicans, we be havin' jobs right now."

"Well, how do you support yourselves, then? asked Tawdry Soup.

"Food stamps and disability check for me," replied Fu Manchu, "I gotta bad back." He shifted his massive load of canvas-covered gear.

"Same here," added Toady, "but it's because my ears is crookid." He looked at Tawdry Soup with a goofy gap-toothed grin.

"But if you didn't have the government you hate so much, what would you do for money?" asked Tawdry Soup.

"We'd have a gov'ment all right, OUR gov'ment," answered Fu Manchu. "But it would be run by Christians who wouldn't allow fags in the army, would stop dishing out welfare if you don't wanna work, put God back in schools and the pledge of allegiance, stop them chemtrails, an'..uhhh..put this country back on the gold stan'erd." He clicked his heels and puffed out his chest.

"Yeah," agreed Toady.

"Shut up, man," said Fu Manchu, glaring at Toady, "you don't even know what the gold stan'erd is, you idjut." Toady blushed and looked at the ground as Fu Manchu looked at Tawdry Soup for recognition of his superior intellect.

"By the way, what do ya'll think about that Sarah Palin?" asked Tawdry Soup.

"Who?" they both asked, and looked at each other like Tawdry just asked them to add 16 and 12.

Fu-Manchu suddenly got serious, looked down his nose and squinted his eyes, "You need to git outta here before I blow your face off-you seem kinda queer."

Tawdry rolled up the window of his smart Mary Kay pink Cadillac, and roared off into the midday sun, leaving Fu Manchu and Toady covered in fine red dust.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this


Go to top