Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 17 April 2012

image for A Listing of Names of Countries And Where Their Names Came From Noted author Zorbatini Teakettle still uses a fountain pen when he writes.

World renown expert on countries Zorbatini Teakettle has just published his 17th book. His latest publication is titled The Origin of The Word Samoa and Some More Country Name Origins.

Mr. Teakettle, a native of Woonsocket, Rhode Island, has personally traveled to 195 of the world's 196 countries.

He recently appeared on The View and was asked by co-host Whoopi Goldberg, which is the only country he has not visited.

Mr. Teakettle disclosed that the only country in the entire world that he has not visited was Switzerland.

Ms. Goldberg asked him why he had never been to Switzerland.

He paused for a moment and replied that he really had no idea. He then declared that he will certainly be making plans to visit Switzerland some time before Columbus Day which this year falls on October 8."

Last year Zorbatini Teakettle appeared in a documentary titled The Country Dude From Little Bitty Rhode Island which has since been shown in 78 countries including Switzerland (ironically).

A LISTING OF NAMES OF COUNTRIES
AND WHERE THEIR NAMES CAME FROM

1. Costa Rica - The name of the country literally means 'rich coast.' But when it was first founded by Eric The Red he called it Xywi, which is Scandinavian and means, "Hey laddies have you ever seen so many friggin bananas?"

2. Portugal - This European country was originally called Sportugal, which roughly translated means, "Give the Spaniard soccer fans an inch and they'll take a pata (foot).

3. Venezuela - The South American country was founded by Sir Francis Drake who called it Oilica, which is Swahili for "Land where one's feet are constantly covered in black, nasty, slimy stuff."

4. Malta - The country which is about the size of Washington, D.C. was founded in 1814, by little noted English explorer Sir Freddie "The Dreamer" Bedhampton, IV. He stumbled upon this Mediterranean Island while searching for the fabled Lost Vineyards of Luigi "Thunderbird Ripple" Parmesan. He named the land Malta after a wonderful chocolate drink that the island natives drank while jubilantly frolicking on the beach in their underwear.

5. Samoa - The little island is located east of Australia in the middle of the South Pacific Ocean far away from any other country. The name Samoa is actually an old Comanche Indian word which means "Medicine Man illegally practicing medicine without the benefit of some kind of license." In 1938, Samoa voted to remove the letters "F" and "C" from the alphabet. Why? No one knows. Or if they do know, they aren't talking.

6. Netherlands - This country which borders Germany and Belgium was founded in 1578 by the American husband and wife exploring team of Rotterdam and Brenda Groinlands. The two were actually looking for some land to buy so that they could plant, grow, harvest, and sell Brussel Sprouts, which the two had become addicted to on their honeymoon in Belgium. They originally called the land Groinlands, but a year later, some of the holier-than-thou citizens changed it to the not so sexual sounding Netherlands.

7. Chad - This African country which is located directly south of Libya was discovered by the French explorer Marcel DuFranz in 1758. He was considered to be one of France's number one playboys. He had actually stolen the beautifully erotic wife of French Horn salesman Chad Vinaigrette two weeks after they had married in Venice, Italy. When Vinaigrette caught DuFranz underneath his bed and threatened to shoot him the French explorer pleaded with Vinaigrette and told him that he would change the name of the new country he had just discovered from Marcel to Chad in his honor. DuFranz returned Vinaigrette's wife and he kept his word and changed the country's name to Chad.

8. Yemen - This country which is located south of Saudi Arabia was simply named Yemen in 1918, after the millions of Yemen sand fleas that occupy the area.

9. Singapore - No one has really been able to find out much about the historical background of this country's name. One thing for sure Zorbatini Teakettle is certain that the name has nothing at all to do with any type of singing.

10. Mauritania - This country was discovered by a Scottish explorer named Mauri. Legend has it that Mauri was extremely light complected and one day after taking a nap in the hot sun he developed a tremendous tan. The country soon began to be called Mauritan by the locals and most of the tourists. In 1891, the government of Mauritan added the ia to make it sound a little more paradise like.

FOOTNOTE: Zorbatini Teakettle stated that last year in an interview with Fuchsia Garfunkel a reporter for The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle he was asked which country has the most beautiful women. He replied that it was Denmark. Within a week after making that statement he received three strongly worded official notices that he had been banned from Portugal, Venezuela, and Botswana.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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