And welcome to this months edition of our magazine.
Harry Footslip has finally revealed how he knows which shit belongs to his wife; "My sandwiches are tied to it"
Malcom Menial from the Scottish sewer workers confederation has been awarded shit shoveller of the year.
Parveet Singh from the Southall sewer section has won the "Name The Izal Toilet Paper" competition. When asked why he chose the name, "John Wayne" he said; "It's rough and tough and takes no shit off the Indians".
Ms Clowaka, from Dent has complained about the singing coming from the sewer under her house. Could all members please remember that, singing "red knickers in the sunset" at 6 in the morning might cause offence.
Mrs Entrail from the cafe in London road has asked me to remind you to wipe your boots before entering the premises.
She is running out of shit bags.
That's it for another month, don't forget to wash your hands!