Following the surprise success of yesterdays Famous and Fearless spoof (by my standards at least), I thought I'd attempt the impossible and see if there was anything left worthy of spoofing. Due to space restrictions I've been forced to remove 18 pages.
OFCOM are still investigating the status of the contestants. It would seem that the criteria of being 'famous' is very pliable. We did try and compile a list of the eight contestants but we instantly forgot who they were before we got the chance to conduct the research.
If OFCOM cannot uphold the Famous part of the complaint, there can surely be no doubt as to the Fearless element. Following yesterdays spectacle of men riding BMX bikes and women on go-karts, the producers treated a terrified public to more feats of white knuckle dread.
Tonight the women threw all thoughts for their own personal safety aside and took part in a motorbike race. On tiny comedy kids motorbikes. Despite looking totally ridiculous, the ladies stuck two fingers up to fear and gave us a sphincter twitching tournament. 2 of the women even crashed at a full 1 mile an hour.
The men didn't want to be out feared and shouted 'up yours' to fear and went microboating.
There have been over 200 unsubstantiated reports of viewers slipping into coma's. These were undoubtedly due to the high octane level of fear and tension with no suggestion whatsoever that the programme is an absolute fuckin stinker.
By nine o'clock my tv stopped working. Once I got my lacerated foot out of the cathode ray tube I resolved to never put my nerves through such torment again. However as adrenaline is addictive I might have no choice but to watch tomorrows nerve jangler. I am trying to work myself up to the grand finale which is rumoured to feature Yo-yo's and stilt-walking on upturned yoghurt pots.