Written by Inhopeless
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Tags: Future, TV

Monday, 3 January 2011

image for Future News: Past Found to Have Stupid Ideas About Future They Actually Thought the Police Would Still Be Working for the People! If You Call Megabusinesses People...

(Published 2060) - LONDON - After 15,000 hours of audio and footage, and 1,900,000 pieces of writing, scientists have made a conclusion.

The people of the Old Age had a pretty screwed up view of the future.

"They expect world peace to have happened," said Dr. Emily Toyota Watts, "With all these transnational companies literally fighting over target markets? Right now it's the... ... Disney-McDonald's-Starbucks-Mozilla (people who make Firefox)-Linux vs. News Corp-KFC-Costa Coffee-Apple."

Also on the list of Pretty Fucked Up Predictions These Airheads Made are:

Stem Cell Research

"Seriously?" said Prof. James Google Fox, "Who gives a shit about that, when conquering hair loss and proloning erections pays better for us?"

The Large Hadron Collider

"The what...?" said Prof. Joshua Hasbro Parker, "that giant racetrack underneath Switzerland? That used to be supercollider? It makes even bigger supercollision today!"

Better TV Programming
"C'mon," said Dr. Emma Burger King Richardson, "even they could see that. It's all reality TV now. The best TV I've ever seen is the shit they made back in the Old Age that we watched in this study."

There are many other Fucked Up Ideas on the list, all of which are too stupid, like mass commercial flights to space.

"It's not uncommon," said Prof. Gregory Microsoft Daniels, "for these Old Age people to be so optomist. They had it good. They didn't have rapant corporation-gangs or toxicity levels as high as we do. If only we could tell them the horrors of today."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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