Written by Inchcock
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Sunday, 2 January 2011

image for Cameron, Clegg, Hague & Osborne 2011 Forecasts Which direction will they go?

David Cameron - Prime Minister

Born Oct 9th 1966 - Libra:

Positive:

Artistic, romantic and loving, a champion of good causes, intellectual, a good friend to other con-men, strongly held beliefs in nepotism, can be charming, sincere, and with excellent communicative skills designed to get his own way and cover-up for his ministers fiddling.

Negative:

Moody or sulky, flirtatious, egotistical, vain, manipulative, overbearing and indecisive, but we all knew this did we not?

2011 Forecast:

His excessive greed will become apparent to even his avaricious fellow MPs and crooked cabinet members - via the media, who will discover and reveal some of his hidden faults, through a tell-tale source within his own personal cortège later in the year. By then of course he will have spirited away his fortune he's made from back handers and fiddles, safely away to his various bank accounts and holding companies abroad, and this financial fall-back will ease the pain of his court trial to come, just his bad luck to be tried by a non-Eton judge!

Around August time, he will try to increase VAT to 30%, and unemployment will reach 2m officially, 3.8% in reality.

The Bank owners will increase their direct back-handers to members of the cabinet by £5m annually in an effort to avoid having their bonus limited again.

NICK CLEGG - Deputy Prime Minister

Born Jan 7th 1967 - Capricorn:

Positive:

A calculated risk taker, diligent, he used to have realistic yet high standards, be a giver of good advice, cautious, scrupulous, a traditionalist, fearless.

Negative: Fatalistic, dominated by inner fears, slow to forgive, egotistical, a slave driver and convinced his way is the best.

2011 Forecast:

The Lib-Dem supporters (the dwindling number that remain) will show their true colours this year, their frustration, their limitations, their futility, their hatred, their pointlessness and their disappointment, as the party disaggregates. Nick the lad will blame Jeremy Thorpe, who of course will be supported by Willy Hague.

By October, he too will have amassed sufficient funds to enable his retirement from national politics to be worry free.

The pain from his swollen head will ease, as he realises the utter futility of his desperate clinging to some imagined pride in the alliance.

William Jefferson Hague - Foreign Secretary

Born 26th March 1961 - Aries:

Positive:

A natural leader, full of energy, helpful to others in the bedroom, including the female of the species on the odd occasion. Patient, often a defender of the weak, or those of differing orientations, will die for a loved one (of any sex), does not give in easily, as he has proved over the many well renummerated years he has been fiddling and lying to us from his official government platforms.

Negative:

Needs to be in control, unaware of the feelings of others, does not listen, has jealous, intolerant, selfish tendencies and is a very poor judge of character.

2011 Forecast:

Nothing new to come here, although his lying may become more proficient with such repetitiveness and practice this coming year.

Around April he will gain further advancement within politics, and replace a disgraced colleague.

He will survive (as he has in the past), where others fall into shame and political disgrace - for a while anyway, with the support of those around him amidst the same fiddles.

George Osborne - Chancellor of the Exchequer:

Born 23 May 1971 - Gemini

Positive: Can be adaptable and versatile in their search for personal financial gain, and self ego acquisitional drive.

Communicative, greedy, superior and with a witty eloquence that is perfect for his cover-ups and nepotistic life-style.

Negative:

None, just ask him!

2011 Forecast:

He will use all of his devious contacts, fellow cheats, bankers and Etonites to save the day for himself when the crumbling of the Government infrastructure comes late in the year. He will outwardly come out of it all smelling of roses, assured that his fellow crooks dare not reveal the truth about him, for fear of his revealing the documented double-dealings of the other cabinet ministers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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