Written by anthonyrosania
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Saturday, 1 January 2011

image for Ten Things Smaller Than Brett Farve's Penis

In light of Minnesota Vikings (former) quarterback Brett Favre being fined $50,000 for causing irreparable harm to a defenseless (text) receiver, after sending New York Jets Gameday host Jenn Sterger pictures via cell phone of an old, wrinkled member that stopped serving it's purpose a long time ago (he also showed her his penis), Thespoof has amassed this list of ten things in the universe smaller than Old Man Favre's trouser-minnow:

10: A Bee's Head. The largest item on our list, a bee's head is 10-2 meters, or 1 centimeter in width.

9: A Bee's Eye. Which is 10-3 meters or 1 millimeter in width, 100 times smaller than the bee's head.

8: Pollen. Formerly referred to as 'Plant Jizz", at 10-4 meters or 100 micrometers, pollen is still 100 times bigger than...

7: A Bacterium. The fun little single-celled, prokaryote microorganisms that give us cholera, syphilis, anthrax, leprosy and bubonic plague are 10-5 meters, or 10 micrometers in diameter.

6: Laser wavelength. Lasers contain a wavelength of just 0.38 micrometers. Brett's 2 centimeter pocket poolstick is huge by comparison.

5: Virus. At just 10-7 meters or 100 nanometers, viruses can literally fit in the crack of a bacterium's ass., yet can still cause AIDS, which has killed everyone ever infected by it except Jm J. Bullock. Because Jm J. Bullock is a bad motherf--ker.

4: DNA. Just 10-8 meters or 10 nanometers small, it is difficult to comprehend how many of these molecules were found in Favre's NYC hotel room, from which he texted his d-ck, one tablespoon a load.

3: The Nucleus of a Carbon Atom. It's just 10-13 meters, or 100 femtometers wide. Which is really f--king small.

2: Higgs Boson Particle. The so-called 'God Particle', The (10-18) meter Higgs boson is a hypothetical massive scalar elementary particle predicted to exist by the Standard Model of particle physics.

1: The Planck length. In physics, the Planck length, denoted <dinky>, is a unit of length, equal to 1.616252(81)×10−35
meters. It is a base unit in the system of Planck units. The Planck length is the scale at which classical ideas about gravity and space-time cease to be valid, and quantum effects dominate.

BONUS: Even more things smaller than #4's tallywhacker:


Lindsay Lohan's chance of staying sober in 2011.

Fired Vikings coach Brad Childress' career prospects.

The number of black people invited over to Washington Redskins head coach Mike Shanahan's home, ever. (0, if you're keeping score at home.)

The number of reasons Farve should play in the NFL in 2011. (0, if you're keeping score at home.)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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