Written by Inhopeless
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Friday, 31 December 2010

Our three top political minds of the 21st century will discuss the fundamental question of: Is famous 'tween' pop sensation Justin Beiber, with his own disease, a giant male reproductive organ?

Here are Sarah Whittaker, William Jackson, and George Bates, and host Inhopeless.

Sarah: Giant male organ. Nice touch.

William: Like he has a giant male organ.

George: No, no, Will, he IS a giant male organ. I believe that the term is used in a derogatory sense to make Bieber look bad.

W: Oh okay. So he's a giant idiot who should die?

Inhopeless: Yes. Now discuss.

<silence>

<more silence>

S: We can't discuss this if we have a unanimous decsion about the topic.

G: I hate to admit it, but the lady's right, Inhopeless.

W: Why are there a couple of empty chairs there?

<door bursts open>

Justin Beiber: Sorry I'm late. I kinda got the Google Maps directions wrong. Did you know there are two A4540s in Britain?

G: Can I hurt him?

I: No. As much as I want you to, it counts as assult.

JB: I disagree with the statement.

I: Evidence?

JB: I'm more popular than you...

I: So is Doctor Who, but I like that show, so?

JB: What's Doctor Who?

S: Never mind.

W: There's still another empty seat.

<door breaks off hinge>

Fran Smythe: Oh. My. Godd! Its him!

I: Wow. I didn't know I was....

FS: Fuck you! It's JB!

W: So you agree with the statement?

FS: YES. Justin Beiber has an army of loyal followers who would do him.

JB: I'm uuhhh... gay.

FS: Ewww...

I: Whoa, whoa... did I hear homophobia?

S: Oh no she didn't.

G: Yeah she did.

W: Oh no she didn't.

JB: Yes, she did.

W: Oh no she didn't.

I: YES SHE DID! I GOT IT RIGHT HERE. WE JUST SAW HER RIGHT NOW! SHUT UP.

W: What's so wrong with gays?

FS: They're unclean and not natural.

I: So, you just like his music because of 'him', not the words or the songs? That's just sick. Music is for listening, not for pretending to listen cause you fancy the singer.

W: Let's assume that you are correct that homosexuality is not natural. Guess what? Medicine isn't natural. This city isn't natural. Nature just doesn't put bricks and mortar together. Then I'd be in a tribe -- no tribes aren't natural. I would get my food by myself using a rock-stick combo... no nature doesn't provide rocks and stick combos. I gotta catch it with my hands and eat it raw. But homosexuality is natural, so get out of here.

FS: I'm right.

JB: <kicks out FS, after a harsh beating> So, ahem, who thinks that Justin Beiber isn't a giant penis?

(all put hands up)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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