Written by shea lo
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Wednesday, 29 December 2010

image for D'Oprahmine is new word for 2011 as Oprah Winfrey Network hits cable move over, it's my turn to overeat....

Did she really mean it when she said she was ending her show? Well in the entertainment biz one never says never. Guess what? Sheeee's baaaack!!!! Out with the old, in with the same old!

D'Oprah Winfrey - title holder of the queen of Love Me Do self-promotion; pied piper of self-gratification; empress of whinge; Maharani of the me-me generation; seducer of dysfunctional addicts and hoarders & Tsarina of crap psychology will now take self absorption, narcissism and petty me-me whining to new levels with the launch of her new and improved network - OWN aka Oprah Winfrey Network.

So much for lying low. D'Oprah has cleverly capitalized on consumer greed taking advantage of the Me-want lemmings to schizophrenic levels. First she chides the Duchess of Pork to curb her spending even as she offers her a big-figure amount to host a show - Finding Sarah - on her television channel OWN.

This was followed by the great Nile flood as D'Oprah shed big fat crocodile tears on the Baba Wawa show decrying lesbian allegations (like who the hell cares what she is). It's one thing to ask to be left alone as you're milking the media!

No doubt she has donated millions to charity but her magnanimity for the truly needy pales in comparison with the cleverly doled out crap she rains down on her greedy, piggy, snuffling-at-the-trough audience.

Those wobbly-jiggly obese 40-somethings of all genders - those Pavlovian-salivating losers kicking and scratching in the aisles for a surprise gift-bag of D'Oprah's must-haves. Those Oprah's Favorite Things. Everything from fattening goodies; oversize 1-million thread count sheets; unproven cosmetic products; fugly boots; squeeze-your-fat overpriced jeans; bras to empower.... you name it - she's handed it out!

Dispensing that greed-inducing narcotic D'Oprahmine in ever-increasing levels to justify her addictive mantra "You're worth it".

But never a treadmill or a set of weights - who loves ya baby? Why, that would go against every patriotic American's God-given right to be avaricious, obese and gluttonous. Every cult leader knows you've got to keep the brain-dead flock always craving that special something.

America, recession, belt-tightening, doing with less? Hell no, not according to the Queen of bribery who dispenses her toasted, chocolate-sprinkled S'mores communion to her followers with more fervor than ever before. So as one decade ends and another begins The Greed Cult of O has evolved to higher levels.

A new feel-good drug has arrived with double the intensity in 2011 and the brand name is D'Oprahmine.

Me-me-me-me-me-meeeeee....

And to think 4 naive guys actually believed that Money, Can't Buy Me Love???

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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