Written by Lady Godiva
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Monday, 20 December 2010

image for The Day the Earth Stood Still OR Panic Around the World As All Holes Disappear No hole

The World was in a state of panic yesterday. People in every nook and cranny of this wonderous globe woke up to find 'all holes missing'.

People wandered happily, into doughnut shops, unaware of the issue, and came out crestfallen. No holes in their doughnuts meant that they weren't really doughnuts after all.

As they looked around them and discussed the situation, many admitted they had to be thankful for small mercies, only 'round' holes were missing. They were still able to get their keys into their car doors and ingnitions but the poor sods who needed to fill up with petrol/gas, were out of luck when they took off their gas cap ....no hole!!!!

Many had to hitch-hike or walk to work.

One man in Hamilton Ontario stopped off to by some mint flavoured Lifesavers (Polo Mints) in order to freshen his breath before entering his office. He'd tried to brush his teeth as he usually did, but this morning, when he took the cap off the toothpaste, no hole. No hole = no toothpaste.

He doesn't understand why he was surprised that when he opened his packet of Lifesavers, no holes. Mint candies without holes....they'd just HAVE to do, but it wasn't the same. Lovers of Lifesavers and Polos love to stick their tongues into that little wee hole. No fun...no holes.

In Kuwait and other oil producing parts of the world work at oil wells had come to a complete standstill. No holes.

In Alaska, anyone with zippered parkas was safe from the below freezing conditions. Those residents with button-fastening parkas were out of luck and had to stay indoors. No button holes.

In the forests, squirrels, chipmunks, woodpeckers and many other creatures of the wild ran around in circles trying to find their homes. Sadly...no holes.

Astronomers peered through huge telescopes, or tried to. No holes through which to view the black holes which weren't there anyway.

Water backed up in every household, overflowing sinks and bathtubs. No plug holes.

Lions, zebras, elephants and other such animals and birds of the Safari belts were falling down dehydrated, no watering holes, round ones anyway.

I awoke when my alarm went of at 6.30 a.m. I ran to the bathroom to run some water to see if it would drain. I removed the cap from my toothpaste to see if I could squeeze any onto my new, red toothbrush.

Aaah! It had all been nowt but an awful dream.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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