And welcome to the fifth edition of Alcoholics Monthly.
First off, thanks to Gerald Nosegay for his informative narration on how to hide piss stains on the trousers. I did not know one could buy a battery operated iron.
There are going to be some changes to the Christmas dinner menu. Yes, I know you are all up in arms, but the vodka bath has been punctured so we will have to go with the sherry pond in the main reception.
Mr Liverwart has asked that we say a few quiet prays for his partner, David Slopout, who died through drink. He was run over by a Guinness lorry.
Mrs Arbutnot, Manager of the Christmas venue, has asked that each member bring plastic bed sheets with them.
The Vicar, Rev. Briddle, said he will not tolerate members using empty wine bottles to urinate during the service. Please use the font.
The landlord of last years venue has a message for us: We know who done it, and what it is, but please, tell us where it is! thank you.
Replies to Enid Rotknee please.
One more thing, please do not drive in an erratic or aggressive manner through the town. Especialy if you have been drinking! Clik clunt every trip.
See you next month