WikiLeaks main rival, "WonkaLeaks", has released secret cables between former U.S. Secretary of Confectioneries Dr. Karen J. Stevens, Ph.D. and well-known candy maker Wonka.
The following statements by Dr. Stevens (pictured at right) seem to hint at a sinister web of ulterior motives by the U.S. government:
- February 14, 2004 || Where can I get my hands on some more 'yellow cake'?
- March 8, 2004 || 'Gummies'...? 'Laffy Taffy'...? They 'urt me teef!
- February 30, 2005 || 'Everlasting Gobstopper'...? Not very likely.
- June 11, 2005 || 'Spree', 'Sweetarts' and 'Kazoozles' are all boring.
- June 12, 2005 || The same goes for 'Bottlecaps', 'Shockers' and 'Exceptionals'.
- June 31, 2005 || Dear Diary: I killed a man with a 'Lik-M-Aid Fun Dip' today.
- October 22, 2006 || Who does a gal have to shag to get some 'Nerds' around here?
- November 1, 2007 || It appears that 'Pixy Stix' are simply colored sugar.
- May 6, 2008 || 'Mix-Ups' remind me of my first marriage.
- January 1, 2009 || 'Runts' -- can't live with them, can't live without them.
Meanwhile Dr. Stevens' new book, Confessions of a Confectionery Hit-Woman: The Sugar Made Me Do It, is due out in bookstores in time for holiday shopping.