HEADLINE IN BRITISH DAILY:
Hill walker endured a two-hour attack by a reindeer
This just in from Scotland:
The poor woman endured a long 'entanglement with the reindeer who had spied her hiking in the Scottish Hills, alone.
Reindeer expert, I.M.A Deerman, said,
"I just can't understand why he attacked. The woman MUST have provoked him by teasing him, perhaps about NOT being one of Santa's chosen eight, or - the size of his antlers.
It's most unusual for a deer to attack a hiker unprovoked, especially a female.
They don't like to be teased (the reindeer) and are VERY sensitive animals. It's my guess that he had either just been turned down for some 'nookie' by a resident doe, OR
he smelled something in this woman's backpack that he wanted.
You see, deer, as well as enjoying sex and rubbing the bark off trees, when they can find them, also have a very keen sense of smell and are partial to chewing on 'wild marijhuanaia' which grows on our beautiful Scottish Hills. Maybe this woman had a stash in her backpack. Who knows? She is staying completely shtumb about the contents of her backpack. This is cause for suspicion in my opinion.
We didn't have a permit to search her or her possessions at the time of the incident. Therefore, we cannot comment on said contents of said backpack."
The woman, who did not want to comment on this incident, refused to comment, as I have just stated.
She is recovering from her harrowing, rutting, antlering experience in a Scottish hospital and said she will never be able to watch 'Bambi' ever again as she is so traumatized by the whole experience.
(It appears I 'lied' about her not wishing to comment on the incident.)
She remains tight-lipped about the contents of her backpack but is reported to be enjoying the veal on the hospital's menu when she decides to open her lips to eat.