Written by Russ Smith
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Tuesday, 20 June 2006

There are two things that are most important in life to me. And I never learned them in any school. They are how to raise a kid, and how to handle money.

Congressional investigators have found that Hurricanes Katrina and Rita had $1.4 billion in bogus claims for hurricane relief.

What a surprise! You mean there was abuse of tax payers money in government programs? Nooooo! Expecting any government program without abuse of tax money is like expecting the Jerry Springer show is going to win an Emmy.

A new so called “Government Accountability Office” audit found that up to 16 percent of the emergency hurricane relief funds was claimed fraudulently. “New Government Accountability Office”? I have been unemployed for 4 years—how can I apply there? When is the next committee being formed on tax payers money that the government doesn’t tell you why we need it taking applications? Here’s an ad I’d love to see in the “Help Wanted” section in the newspaper:

[b]HELP WANTED. Can’t handle your money? NO PROBLEM!! We need people to earn easy money with a position in a brand spanking new government committee!!! Earn big money on the job working for the US government! Easy, easy job! Full benefits! No fees! Job for life! No layoffs! Call 1-800-MIRACLE.

Taxpayer dollars were used to pay divorce attorneys, purchase season football tickets, a $200 bottle of champagne, "Girls Gone Wild" videos, a tropical vacation and even a sex-change operation (that might hurt more than wasting $1.4 billion). When I hear about that kind money wasted in government, it reminds me of an old joke. I wish it could somehow apply to the jokers in Washington that handle our money. It’s the joke where the husband says to his wife: ‘Honey, I have great news!! Our credit card was stolen!! The thief is spending less money than you!’.

Rep. Michael McCaul, R-Texas, chairman of the subcommittee overseeing an investigation of post-hurricane aid. He called it a "an assault on the American taxpayer." What a stunning statement from a guy making $154,700 a year who votes himself a pay raise. Usually Congress votes on it in the middle of night while some of us are trying to raise our kids, and handle money wisely.

Our government, in effect FEMA, botched telling people the how big the hurricanes were, botched the relief effort to help the people, now botched the way the funds were used. For the benefit of our country’s future, the schools in the USA should teach kids in school how to raise kids, and how to handle money.

The cost? Probably $1.4 billion would do it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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