Written by walter
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 3 December 2010

In the garden of Eden, Lord God was holding the stem of a four-o'clock flower to examine its petals. Every now and then, he glanced at Man' children on planet earth. He could see the Adam's children were wearily walking towards the deep valley of total destruction.

He heard them saying in unison 'LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground. Then at Adam's request, Lord made him a mate by taking a rib from Adam, and turning it into a woman, meaning 'taken out of Man'.'

One of man's children was holding an Ipod on which reflected a message: "Wanted: Assange.' Lord God let go of the flower stem and angrily said, 'What's he done? How do you know it's not a setup job. Besides, how often have you misquoted me.

For instance, for many centuries you've said I first formed Adam of the dust of the ground. Then, he, Adam, told me he needed a mate. If I had 'made the beast of the earth… cattle … every thing that creepeth upon the earth' how could I forget that animals need a mate? That's absurd!

Ironically, I did not form man first; I formed Eve first. However, I needed a guy to store the seeds for this ambulatory plant, Eve. You mean I was that shortsighted not to plan in advance, so after forming man, at his request, I formed his mate, out of his rib? Never! I had already prepared a good-sized mound of modeling clay. I wish I had an Assange at that time in my court to be dispatched to earth and inform the Adam's children that I, as your God, was meticulous.

Now, following Assange's foot steps, I am publishing this statement in my blog. You have been wrong. It was the mate, I mean Eve, that was fist formed. She was my mini Nature for breeding and nurturing her offspring, just like other plants. Who the hell was Adam the seed keeper?'

Now, Lord God turned to a morning glory in the garden and holding it gently, said:
I take care of my flowers to see them bloom, because blooming period is my favorite pastime. I was hoping that some day Adam's children will see the truth on their own. Now my question for you is when is the blooming time of Eves?

'Sajani Shakya, 10, from Nepal.' Does that ring a bell? You think people in that part of the world were dimwitted to have chosen her as a goddess?. Once, there lived a wise person who saw the light of truth. What I'm trying to say is the fact that not only my four o'clock and morning glory are beautiful but also my 5-9- year old girls. You tell me. Don't you enjoy looking at a 5-9-year old girls?

Alas that I have to use a mix of two dreadful chemicals to keep the Eves' blooms flourishing and sustainable. The right balance of the mix works perfectly well at 5-9 years of age. That's the reason in Nepal they chose a goddess before puberty. They talk of 32 perfections, such as a skin void of scratches, or having a gait of a swan, a body like a banyan tree, thighs like a deer, a voice like a duck's. I love that duckling voice.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

46 readers are online right now!

Go to top