Written by Nick Hobbs
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Friday, 3 December 2010

image for Wow: World's First Porn Circus - A Review Bendick does 'The Elephant'

The world's first porn circus has rolled in to town in Grimsby this week, causing quite a stir with the locals.

Barry Craddock's Big Arsed Bizarre Fucktacular prides itself as being the first traditional live porn circus show to hit the road. Featuring an array of acts such as the Mighty Wanger's, a family of trapeze artists, famed for their high altitude fellatio, the Arse Clowns, an all male gay clown troupe and The Orwells, a group of animals, all proficient in interspecies shenanigans.

Craddock, or lieutenant, as he prefers to be called plays ringmaster, in more ways than one with his busty assistant Trudy. Welcoming the spectators to his 'Big Top', the tent itself taking the shape of a massive breast, complete with pert brown nipple on top.

We settle back to watch the show, and are introduced to Willy One-Eye, a six foot seven dishevelled man in faux-cowboy outfit. This behemoth immediately gets out his John Thomas and fires off a salvo of small 2" knives from the tip, all landing neatly and equally around the spinning body of Sadie, his assistant strapped to a large vertical wheel, some 30 feet away.

With the applause still ringing, One-Eye leaves the stage by hoisting the now surprisingly naked Sadie into the air, with his index finger placed firmly up her no-no hole.

Craddock returns to inform us that Benny Bendick is 'up' next, to which the crowd go wild. I have heard of Bendick's act, but never could I imagine what I was about to witness.

Benny looks to be an ordinary man, very unassuming, no real distinguishing features. That is until he removes his trousers. Before us fell what appeared to be a length of hosepipe. It was his trouser snake. For the next 15 minutes, Bendick made various shapes and forms, in what can only be described as balloon tying for the penisly exaggerated. Tommy guns, poodles, an outline of the Taj Mahal, you name it, Bendick fashioned it from his bent dick!

Moving on we watched The Arse Clowns perform all sorts of backdoor mishaps with one another, in a very gay way. Olive Rooney showed us where Wayne got his insatiable love of the old folk from, with her zimmer-shimmer routine and Rodney And The Sluts entertained with trampoline humping, an act that was never, but should have been, a double-pager in the Karma Sutra.

Not everyone was as impressed however. Local Christian group, Jesus' Lover's, have been picketing the venue ever since the circus rolled in to town.

Vera Parsnip, spokesperson for the elderly ladies of the Lord, told us "it's abhorrent. These beings should be run out of town, corrupting our society like this! Although The Wanger's were very agile, I'll give them that!"

The evening was 'finished off' with a flurry of activity, as all the acts re-entered the ring, and each other's, delighting the crowd, young and old.

Craddock's Fucktacular is set to roll out across the country over the next sixteen weeks.

If you get the chance, see it. You won't believe your f--kin' eyes.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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