Written by masterchev

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Friday, 26 November 2010

image for Five Things You Need to Survive Winter This guy never read our guide, and was forced into this position for 90 days.

Tired of watching six inches of snow outside your house? Wondering how you can survive winter, even though you live in a comfy house with central heating and the works? Are you a naturist?

If so, you'll love the Masterchev "Five Things You Need to Survive Winter"! As you may have guessed, there are five things you need to survive the cold breezy nights.

1) A partner of the opposite sex
Always underrated or overdated, having someone you can ask to make you a cup of tea is always a plus. If you have a kettle. And who knows, if you're lucky you can always ask for supper.

2) A bunch of protestors angry about Tuition Fee rises.
Let's face it. You need to keep warm. A few toasty campaign leaflets should give you a nice and hot evening. Poppies not accepted however!

3) A CD track of Christmas songs
Don't get me wrong, this isn't to feel festive cheer. If you're seeking to ensure you're not disturbed, why not whack on a bit of Slade? Guaranteed to make sure you're never disturbed again... or invited to parties!

4) A thermos flask
Scared Santa might actually be sneaking around your house? Why not whack him over the head with a Thermos Flask. Useful alternative liquids involve vodka, sherbet and everyone's favourite: ice. Can also be used as long range throwing device to scare away postmen armed with Christmas Cards.

5) A plane ticket
Not for flying away, this item can be sent as helpful hints to those neighbours who just won't give up the carol singing. Guaranteed a quick way for some peace and quiet this holiday.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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