Written by ExiledRoyal
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Thursday, 25 November 2010

image for Christmas Furniture Fever You too can have this conservatory before Christmas

What is it about Christmas that excites the furniture and DIY industries to think that we suddenly need their wares?

From the end of September onwards we are inundated with deals on TV, from sofas to conservatories, interest-free and guaranteeing delivery before the festivities.

Companies believe that there is something in the British psyche that suddenly thinks: "Christmas is coming, and what better way to celebrate the birth of Christ than to buy a new settee? I know I've been through the entire year not having had even the tiniest inkling that I needed one, but now December the 25th is drawing near I suddenly realise just how blind I've been. Yes DFS; yes, CSL, I do want to take you up on your generous offer for a comfy Christmas!"

Serial shopper Phil Mebags is just the kind of person that these companies are aiming for. "I saw this lovely three piece suite in DFS and it seemed quite a bargain. Does anyone know when they have their sales?"

Yes Phil, apart from an annual day off, sales are 364 days of the freaking year. You could travel 50 years into the future and the sale would still be on. Statistically, 364 out of 365 days of the year are taken up with the 'one-day-only DFS sale.

Unlike MFI (Made For Idiots) which collapsed, incidentally very much like the wardrobes this reporter bought from them, DFS (Dismal Furnishing Supplies) looks like The Never Ending Story. Scientists now predict that the only thing to survive catastrophic nuclear war will be... The DFS Sale.

Now on.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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