Written by Pistol Whalon

Print this

Sunday, 21 May 2006

image for Expressions from the Mundane Have a Day!

Are there certain words or phrases that drive you crazy when spoken? Lame expressions that make you want to scream “Come up with something more original you brain-dead moron!” Here are my top 10 “skin crawlers”.

1. “Have a nice day”. I use a slight variation of the most overused saying in the history of civilization: “Have a day!”

2. “Significant other”. Gag! Just say, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, friend, cat, dog, etc.

3. “Win-win”. Only stated by “losers-losers!”

4. “I’m just big boned.” Have you ever seen a skeleton with bigger bones than any other skeleton? I have some bad news for you; every skeleton weighs about the same! So, you’re…

5. “I just want a healthy baby.” No, you either want a boy or girl. You’re just afraid if you say it, others will think you are cold-hearted and shallow.

6. “Get a life.” I say, “get a vocabulary.”

7. “I’m offended.” It seems most people are offended by something every day. Before 1980 I don’t remember anyone ever using that word. My response is-so what!

8. “Get over it.” See # 6.

9. “I was shocked.” Shock was once used for devastating, catastrophic events. Not anymore. People are now “shocked” when a pigeon craps on there car!

10. “It’s not fair.” Welcome to planet earth. If life was fair I’d be a 6’4” quarterback for the San Francisco 45ers!

Okay, so there they are; the 10 brain-dead phrases that drive me crazy. There are many more but I'm too shocked and offended by your attitude to list them!—Have a day!!!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this


Go to top