Written by Rob Barratt
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Thursday, 25 November 2010

image for Will and Kate Will and Kate

I wrote this months ago but I thought people might like to see it again.

Will and Kate by Rob Barratt

Will and Kate, Will and Kate
Better late than never, mate
To wed the future head of state
Though he has a receding pate
I'm sure you'll really get on great,
Kate

Will and Kate, will he Kate
Will he want to masturbate
In front of paintings at the Tate?
At a really quite alarming rate
Like an aristocratic reprobate
Who one day soon you will felate
Or didn't you know about that trait
Kate?

Kate and Will, Will and Kate
Sometimes like to stay out late
In posh night clubs, inebriate
Hang out with oil sheiks from Kuwait
And lesser mortals who they hate
They mark their bill up on the slate
And then go home to fornicate
You've really got it on a plate,
Kate

Will and Kate, Kate and Will
Will she, does she, take the pill
Will we glow with the national thrill
Of watching them consolidate
Their marriage and perambulate
Their royal babies, seven or eight
Is that what you expected, Kate
When he first took you on a date
More inbred Windsors to create,
Kate?

Kate and Will, Will and Kate
How long will you have to wait
Till Liz and Charles disintegrate?
A commoner queen we'll then instate
How great if they would abdicate,
Kate

Middleton, middle class
Just an ordin-ary lass
Reads the Mail and reads The Lady
TV chat with Paul O'Grady
Will he, Kate? Kate, he will
Katy did, did he Kate?
Katy willy, willy Kate
Waity killy, kill and wait
Wail and kit, kale and wit
Clitty whale, whaley clit
Fairytale wedding? Balding git
Same old royal family shit

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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