Written by Flora Belle
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Wednesday, 24 November 2010

image for How Green Is Your Pet? I'm green, are you?

Todays eco-friendly girl is fashionable and hip. No longer is it the preserve of bare-footed, lentil munching hippies, saving the Earth has never been so cool.

But, before you congratulate yourself on your recycled hessian bag and low carbon footprint credentials, spare a thought for your pets. By ignoring their toll on our precious Mother Earth you could be undoing all your hard work!

However, do not despair..by following our simple tips you can ensure your pet is doing their bit" too.

1. Cats and dogs may be seen as natural carnivores but they are easily fooled into becoming vegetarian by coating contents from your organic veg box with vegetarian gravy. Refrigerate until congealed and it will look just like tinned food.

2. Unethical rawhide and bone dog chews can be replaced with offcuts of sustainably resourced wood.

3. Ensure pet toys are made of recycled plastic or make your own toxin-free fun from natural materials. Animals love chewing on pebbles and catching roadkill. Hedgehogs make good frisbys!

4. Cats can be instinctive killers but they can be re-educated with the clever use of anti-hunting posters around the house. Put them at cat eye level for best results. If your cat should transgress, remove the mangled mouse and smear with fairtrade mustard before giving it back. Your cat will quickly learn!

5. We all know exotic pets are a moral no-no but if you already own a snake, lizard or turtle then maximise its purpose in life by creating something beautiful when it passes. Snakes make lovley pencil cases and turtles can be useful fruitbowls.

6. If your pet has stepped lightly upon the planet in life then ensure they leave it in the same way. Cremation can pollute the atmosphere but if your pet passes during the Winter then simply pop it into your log burning stove. Tat way it can give something back to you through warmth. In Summer, remains can be frozen and put through a handcranked wood chipper. The pieces can then be added to your compost heap thus fittingly completing the cycle of life.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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