Astonishing allegations in your columns that Daily Mail readers know what you are thinking should exposed for the nonsense that they are.
I have yet to meet a Daily Mail reader who can think at all! They can be surprisingly nice people until you say something they dislike, then you see the true side of Mail
They cannot talk without exaggerating and are constantly terrified by anything that could upset their cosy world.
Sun readers are much better. They know their football and where their balls are even if the paper is full of a load of balls.
I suggest that you keep the pages of Spoof free from wild, unfounded rumours about your rivals. Remember that one day someone may criticise you!