Written by P.M. Wortham
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Friday, 12 November 2010

image for G20, China Tells U.S. to "Pound Sand" Sand. Pounded. Thank you very much for your concern and your assistance.

It is sort of interesting really, that in what has clearly become a world economy, where all now seem to thrive or die based on each other's economic health, that the major world players including China would tell the U.S. to go take an abrasive one in the arse.

A bit of a shocking response given that the largest consumer market in the world, the economy that kick starts the world economy in many ways, still isn't spending any money because there isn't any to spend. Cheap labor and cheap products have become the mainstay of the American consumer market because that's about all they can afford to buy. No jobs, reduced wages, higher taxes, loss of retirement funds, housing market collapse, not an extra dime on the table.

And when a product needs to be produced, the manipulated currency values of some countries make them far too attractive in price to produce anywhere but those countries. Free market economy? Not when the currency is controlled by the government without regard to the impact to the rest of the world economy. Deference and moderation are words that don't play in these countries when there's a yen or yuan to be made. It really is best for them to low-ball prices and labor so that the rest of the world, but specifically the broken and unemployed American business and personal consumer are forced to buy their products based on artificially controlled price alone.

To answer what would otherwise lead to a further delay in the recovery of the U.S. economy, the Federal Government is now sponsoring retail and manufacturing web storefronts along with cable shopping network which features discounted products made in the U.S. Both businesses and retail consumers benefit from the product savings, while fostering the purchase of goods and services created and offered by American citizens. There will also be a 900% import tax placed on every item that is sold in the US but produced in another country, and the American Banking Industry will increase its monetary supply and reduce interest rates to such a degree that world markets will take all their commercial loans from the U.S. It might be nice to hold the paper on a few other countries for a while.

The new website will be called "Free Market? My Ass. Shop Here", while the cable channel will carry the title, "Taking Care of Business Shopping Network". The new monetary policy will officially be called "Mad Money" stealing the title from the cable show featuring Jim Cramer.

Do experts think this is a viable, globally responsible economic policy? No. But when somebody else puts you in the financial position where you have to buy cheap dog food, and then forces you to eat it instead of your dog, well, you just can't expect the biggest economic engine in the world to keep pounding sand. Respectfully, of course.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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