Jamie Oliver and Nigella Lawson have been commissioned by Parliament to provide recipes to the Parliamentary Canteen.
You can print these recipes yourself and prepare the meals so you can feel just like a Member of Parlament.
Jamie's Turd in the Hole.
Take a pickled turd from the cabinet and fry with a piece of bread with a hole in which to place the turd.
After 5 minutes add a sprinkling of Piss which can be found in ample supply at Question Time. Serve on a carpet where dogs normally sleep.
For an added delicacy round off with dog's fleas cooked in oil, found in answers to questions.
Nigella's Sweet Pumpkin Pie
Take a left over Pumpkin from the Halloween festivities
and hollow it out.
Liberally fry wet fish that has been obtained from discarded Fish and Chip shops.
Boil a sauce of mayonnaise lying with the above mentioned dog's fleas.
If served before the Election, Nigella suggests you should eat this meal at Student's Unions to gain the student's votes, after the election find a Labour Mess as an excuse for the meal.
More suggestions from Jamie and Nigella tomorrow! Happy eating for the elected members of our highly esteemed House of Useless Comments!