Written by Earl Grey
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Thursday, 28 October 2010

image for How To Bake The Perfect Pumpkin Pie This Halloween Wayne Rooney celebrates the signing of another contract

Yes, Halloween is upon us once again. The night of the Witches is traditionally celebrated by children dressing up in scary costumes and then terrorising elderly neighbours into giving them their cash.

But Halloween is also the time for the humble pumpkin to take centre stage. On October 31st this rarely eaten big berry suddenly becomes all the rage. Pumpkin pie, made from the leftovers after all your lanterns are ready, is the number one dish.

We asked pumpkin fan Wayne Rooney for his top tips for baking the perfect pumpkin pie.
1. First get a fuckin' huge pumpkin, about as big and as orange as Paul Scholes' head.
2. Scoop all the insides out until it's as empty as Colleen's head.
3. Get your agent to negotiate a huge pay rise
4. Er... I can't count any higher

Thanks, Wayne. And nice Halloween costume. Oh, your not wearing one.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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