Written by Charpa93
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Wednesday, 27 October 2010

image for Windapocalypses and Chiclones and NDizzards, Oh My

Meteorologists, or Weather Forecasters, as they like to refer to themselves as, have always found it hard to keep their audiences happy. If they say it is going to be sunny and it rains, the first people to be blamed are the forecasters. Forecast some really bad weather and get people preparing for the worst only to realize that they had it all wrong is a forecaster's worst nightmare. The ugly viewer comments after an all-clear is issued are enough to make them want to fall on their knees and pray to God for a disaster to strike.

To overcompensate for this, many meteorologists have come up with a way to take the focus off their oftentimes wrong forecasts and put it where it belongs, in the way they describe the weather itself.

For instance, recently a line of strong weather made its way across the upper portion of the United States. From blizzard-like conditions in North Dakota to hail, lightening and tornadoes in the upper Midwest, all hell was supposedly breaking loose, some hit, some miss. Just defining these storms as blizzards or tornadoes wasn't enough to keep the viewers glued to their television sets. They needed more. They came up with the following to describe the strong tornadic activity in Chicago as a Chiclone (Chicago and cyclone combined) and Windpocalypse (obviously to cash in on the recent fad of naming anything and everythign an apolcalypse).

This got me to thinking, maybe some of these forecasters would pay good money if I came up with some really clever new words to describe serious weather events to take their viewers' minds off the fact that the weather never really materialized as forecast. Here are my suggestions:

Miaminami - A tsunami that is forecast to hit the Miami area after a Cuban earthquake.

Californishaker - A California earthquake.

Windemic - A better way to describe wind in Chicago than Windapocalypse.

Hurriupandgetitoverwith - A slow-moving hurricane.

Lousinundation - A breach of levees in New Orleans after a hurriupandgetitoverwith.

Mizzard - A miserable Minnesota blizzard.

Whizzard - A rare Kansas blizzard.

Excitning - A long-lasting electrical storm that includes cloud-to-ground lightning as well as cloud-to-cloud lightning that produces ooh's and ahh's from those watching the light show.

Then again, maybe I'm in the wrong business. I should be selling home insurance.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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