Written by Joe Mauve
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Tags: Obesity

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

See Billy Connoly's Youtube video on Food "its no wonder you're as fat as fucking pigs" for scientific observations.

A recent article in Live Science explained 11 ways we that can put on weight.

Obesity it says can be due to such things as leaving the light on at night, having your tonsils out and catching a cold. Could there be any truth in these bizarre suggestions? Before our poor fatties adopt mentally deranged habits, lets debunk some of these myths.

1) Weight gain is due to not getting enough sleep - therefore, over-big people should sleep longer. This is ludicrous. Surely, the longer you sleep the less exercise you get, no?

2) Leaving the light on at night. Experiments on mice claim to show that they gained 50% more weight than others. Therefore if you want to lose weight live underground!

3) Obesity can be due to having your tonsils out! This is plain daft. If you have your tonsils out you will be lighter!

4) Catching a cold can cause fattiness! Lunatic! As we all know, if you catch a cold you loose your appetite and you use up lots of energy coughing, sneezing,sweating, shivering and sometimes vomiting.

5) Obesity results from having the air conditioning on. Dong! Don't they always say you need to keep fit to shed pounds? But, surely, if you turn off the A/C, it will be so hot that you just won't have the energy to exercise!

6) The "Green" explanation. Obesity can be the result of being exposed to environmental contaminants. They point specifically to bisphenol, which is found in plastic, and polybrominated diphenyl, which is a flame retardant. Interesting theory. If it is true, then fatties should stop eating plastic and should find safe alternatives to flame retardant. If they do not, then we presume that they run the risk of spontaneous combustion.

7) The old bogey man of eating low nutritional meals, which is supposed to cause uncontrolled blubberation. This is a totally baseless and fallacious argument contradicted by experience and facts. For example, how do they explain that half the world doesn't get enough nutrition meals and yet millions of them are skinny?

8) Medications, especially psychotropic ones, make you put on weight. This one is probably true. If you weren't taking these medications for mental problems, then you would be burning up much more energy through irritated neurosis, agitated anxiety, running from place to place in paranoia, and not to mention manic activity in bi-polar sufferers.

9) In 3 of the 11 reasons given for obesity, we are told that our mothers are the principle cause. Nutty,nutty,nutty! We don't eat our moms! To back this absurd argument up, they give the statistic that 17% of kids between 6 and 19 are too heavy. This is totally exaggerated. What researchers don't take into account when weighing them is that the majority carry guns.

The truth is that none of these scientists are able to see the true elephant in the living room (sorry fatties) of American obesity; that is that the servings of food in the USA come in industrial quantities. And when you eat out and the food is too much for you, you are given a doggy bag to eat at home, so as to avoid explosions in the restaurant.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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