My mom went to the doctor to see about a pain in her shoulder. The doc ran the usual litany of tests including x-rays, EKG, MRI, mammogram, EEG, stress tests, the urinalysis, the electro-cario zuberator and the Machine that Goes *PING* test. After several hours and numerous specialists the doctor gave her the results.
"Mrs Babe, I am afraid you have a pain in your shoulder", the doctor said.
"No s*it huh?" my mom replied with her usual sardonic wit.
"I'm going to prescribe this pain reliever Mrs Babe. It's a very powerful pain reliever and it will cause some mild cardiac distrubances". To relieve these disturbances I am going to give you a mild heart medication. Now the combination of these two pills will cause a rash and night sweats. Therefore, I am giving you a prescription for the night sweats and an ointment for the rash. Hmmm... The combination of these meds will cause diarreah and vomiting so I will prescribe 2 meds for those symptoms. The combination of all these medications will cause severe depression and hair loss so I am prescribing Zoloft for the depression and Propecia for the hair loss. There's a chance all these meds combined will cause diabetes so I am also prescribing insulin injections 3 times daily."
My mom looked up at him with terror.
"Don't look so worried Mrs. Babe. It's very simple. The instructions are all on the labels. You take two of these every four hours, four of these every six hours, one of these every two hours, except in the morning where you will take four, a cupful of this med before meals, two of these pills after meals, apply the ointment five times daily on an hourly schedule and inject the insulin when your blood sugar is high or 3 times daily. Just call me if you have any kidney failure or liver problems."
Now she's totally numbed and motionless except for her shoulder which still hurts.