Latest Thoughts From Professor Norton Folgate, the World's Leading Expert on Things in His Own Head:
My grass needs cutting regularly.
Why can't someone invent self cutting grass?
Or cannibalistic grass.
Grass that eats itself.
It would save people a lot of time and make the world a nicer place to live in. You wouldn't get all these ne'er do wells leaving their grass to get too long and all untidy.
I see Steven Hawking created the universe.
I didn't realise he was that old.
I suppose if you can pull off a stunt like making a World, full of living things and everything, then you probably know a few tricks on skin rejuvenation.
Still, if he did do it, and he's a clever bloke so I have no reason to doubt him, then we probably owe him a big thank you.
There are things he could have done better, but maybe he did a lot of the work before he perfected his electronic talk box thing.
It must have been hard for the builders to understand him without THAT marvellous piece of technology.
Conkers will be out soon.
I wonder if the health and safety brigade have banned them yet.
Killjoys, we didn't need gloves and goggles when I was a young boy and used to play conkers at school.
Mind you I suppose gloves may have stopped all those bruises and maybe even helped to prevent the broken fingers.
And I suppose you could say that if I had worn goggles I may still have both eyes.
I wonder if Steven Hawking's brother, Justin, had anything to do with the creation of the Universe.
He probably invented the darkness.............