Written by Jean Le Fete
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Tags: The Spoof

Sunday, 10 October 2010

image for Chapter 8 "Have you changed your mind yet?" "Have you changed your mind yet?"

"Have you changed your mind yet?" asked number 3 bemusedly as smoke from the gunpowder began to clear and be replaced by the usual cigarette and banana leaf smoke.

"Just that I think…," he paused, "Why did you purposely miss those three bastards, you don't strike me as missing anything without purpose," said Jean le fete.

"To give you something to write about…if you lived… and you are alive not dead now, just don't get the idea that I care."

"Is that why your left hand is squeezing the hell out of my knee?"

"Your knee? I thought it was your…my am I underwhelmed..."

But she didn't get to finish telling me how disappointed she was, a man appeared at my desk he bent down and picked up my pencil from the floor, it was broken. "Please allow me to introduce my self," he began.

"Let me guess," I rejoined, "You're a man of wealth and taste."

"No quite to opposite, but I'm the juan from room number 3, I've been around for a long long year, also known as E.Q."

"If this plot loses anymore traction I fear the black hole I'm spoofing will be our reality," I replied.

"What's this gibberish you're speaking? Better not let Mark hear, he'll have you on the rack for that," said E.Q. "Get up, were leaving."

"Where are we going?" I asked

"All hell is breaking loose, did you think these gents on the floor were writers? And worse for you Mark think's you're at the center of it, he wants you out, were taking you to the safe house in timbucktu. Don't worry, its not in Africa, but its just as hot and just as dangerous," said EQ.

I rose from my chair, #3 was gone again and the banana leaf I'd rolled to smoke was gone too. Skoob had been replaced by his look alike once more, he waived in slow motion as we made our way through the bodies that were slowly being removed by the gerbils. Was it really banana leaf smoke?

It felt like we were swimming through the terrarium as we made our way out to the door where I'd first came in.

We were about to leave, but when EQ hit the door it wouldn't budge, "Damn it! They've sealed the doors."

"Who's they?" I asked.

"If you have to ask my friend you may never know. You see this Chinese carpet?"

I nodded.

"Stand right here on the edge."

I did as he asked, "But why?"

"That's a good lad," he said as he lifted something out his pocket and went directly to my shoulder. The voltage raced through my body and I crumpled to the carpet behind me. Then immediately I felt myself being rolled up in the carpet. I felt two pairs of hands and heard the unmistakable voice of #3. "Did you have to shock him?"

"We'll have to take him out the laundry shoot ," I heard EQ saying, "Is Watson in position?"

"I don't know," Murmered #3, "He was looking for his pipe, how do you lose something that big?"

"Don't know, he's getting a bit senile, thinks he's a Catholic priest half of the time and dresses like the pope. Open the shoot up love and help me lower him down, we have to get a move on if we want to reach the ruddy Chunnel."

I couldn't move inside the carpet and was starting to fear this might be it, but then there was a whisper in my ear.

"Don't worry, I'll see you in a while," and with that I was sliding feet first down what felt to be a tube. Where were they taking me? Why did I have to leave?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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