Written by James Cartwheeler
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Tags: Twilight

Sunday, 26 September 2010

image for Twilight: Before The Books

Once there a little boy by the name of Edward
He liked sparkles and was quite flamboyant
He was stricken with the unbearable tragedy of being extremely pale
And he also sparkled in the sun light
This would be no big deal to most other little boys
But him already ridiculed with insults of homosexuality
It would be really dramatic
He turned his life into a dramatic horror teen movie

Then this equally as pale and anti-social girl moved into his village
Every knew everyone because very obviously everyone knows everything in little villages always
The found each other irresistible but were too shy and bland to do anything about
Then Edward got his sister pregnant through accidental incestuous sex and their life was over
The father had made him marry the father's daughter so the daughter wouldn't be further shamed
But the mother fought for the son speaking of the mistakes and troubles youthful ignorance and how it shouldn't ruin their lives forever
The father wondered what she was hinting at
She pulled out a coat hanger

He was shocked
How did he not think of that before?

So Edward had the terrible decision of picking between his social life and his child's life
But he then realized it's just a fetus and can easily be replaced so he went along
At the same time that girl and Edward got together and she never found out

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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