Newly anointed Al-Qaeda member, Ali By-Golly, looked dismayingly upon an open dirt field and sighed deeply.
"Why won't they grow? Why won't my planted bombs grow into wonderful bomb trees? Oh why? Oh why? Oh why?"
"I joined Al-Qaeda to kill infidels. I joined Al-Qaeda to rid the world of infidels and I am trying so hard to rid the world of infidels, whatever the hell they are. They gave me bombs that they said are to be used to kill infidels and told me to plant them somewhere. So I planted them here next to my opium field and tried to grow them. Now two months have gone by and they haven't even germinated. What have I done wrong? What, what, have I done wrong".
Ali-By-Golly continued, "I have heard that these infidels are very dangerous. I hear that so many of them live in the United States and the United States needs help in getting rid of them. They say these infidel animals are Jewish and Christian. I had no idea animals were religious. I wonder what these infidels look like. Are they mean and nasty like the Grizzly bear that roam the American west? Do they look like giant Polar bears that live on the ice caps of the North Pole?"
"These infidels sound so very dangerous. I would very much like to kill them with the bombs from my bomb trees, but, my bombs just won't grow".
Sighing deeply, Ali By-Golly begrudging slung his hoe over his shoulder and began walking slowly to his house.
"I will call my Aunt Alesia Da-Geisha who lives in America to find out about these infidels. I have heard that her husband is a great hunter. I bet he has seen these infidels. I wonder if he has hunted them. I hear that one needs a license to hunt in America. I wonder if one needs a license to kill these infidels?"
"I just wish that my bombs will grow. I know, I will talk to my good neighbor and find out if he might know how to make them grow".