Craggy Island parish, west coast of Ireland: Very little happens in Craggy Island Parish to be reported, but in this news article news followers need to know what impact the Popes visit is having on some of the far flung outposts of Britain's former colonies and Empire.
Father Ted has been reading the latest news in the local Parish News to Father Dougal about the Pope's visit to Britain. Father Ted speaks out an infamous headline;
"When you land at Heathrow you think you are in a Third World land."
Dougal looks aghast as hears that headline for the umpteenth time. This time Dougal replies;
"Cardinal Kasper is way off the mark with this comment. I have travelled to Thailand regularly, which is still a 3rd world country and Heathrow is far worse than Bangkok airport. Try 4th or 5th world and he might be right!"
Father Jack Hackett then goes into a spasm and blurts out in response, "Drink!"
Father Ted then looks at both of them and comes out with an old chestnut, "The old saying "Outsiders see all" is very apt in this case!"
Dougal, "Yes Ted, but doesn't Cardinal Kasper say more, that there is an atmosphere of 'aggressive atheism' in Britain where 'Christians were at a disadvantage', with a
crucifix row involving British Airways staff?"
Father Ted replied, "If you wear a cross you are discriminated in Britain. We want to publicly show our faith."
Father Ted, Dougal and Father Jack Hackett just sat there in complete silence in disbelief that Britain had become a dirty foul country which has no sense of pride. Its a sad day when Britain loses the right to call it self Great.
They had all read the news, where a resident of Bedford in Britain had said "13 years of the most stupid government seen in my nearly 70 years on this planet has reduced a once proud and productive (and once Great) Britain to a 3rd World country."
Another Englishman, John from Lancashire had written, "Britain IS a third world nation. And a hole too. The once 'Great' Britain has been killed off by gangs of pathetic parasites in Government, who have made it their own business to destroy this nation by selling it off, whilst licking the backsides of our European neighbours just to look good in the statistical rankings."
The Pope will be appearing all over Britain in the next few days. Perhaps the Pope will ask Tony bLIAR a recent convert to the Pope, what went wrong under his tenure as British Prime Minister. No doubt Tony bLIAR will give him a copy of his new book, called 'Journey'!